This Simple Question Transforms Every Parent I Coach

At the start of every session with my parent-coaching clients, I ask a simple yet powerful question: “What has been going well, and what could be better?" This question is vital in our work together, setting a constructive tone and guiding our conversation toward a balanced perspective. In a world where it’s easy to get overwhelmed by negativity and challenges, this question helps shift focus toward progress and growth, which are crucial aspects of positive psychology.

The Power of Positive Psychology

Positive psychology, which explores what makes life fulfilling, emphasizes that our well-being improves when we concentrate on our strengths, successes, and positive experiences. This approach isn’t about ignoring difficulties but about ensuring a balanced view. Focusing solely on problems can trap us in a cycle of negativity, impeding progress and worsening mental health. Conversely, recognizing what’s going well fosters resilience and hope and provides a solid foundation for addressing areas needing improvement.

Why This Question Matters

Asking parents what has been going well enables us to start with a focus on their strengths and successes. This approach has several significant effects:

1. Affirming Progress

In parent coaching, progress can often be gradual and hard to measure. By highlighting what’s been going well, clients can see the results of their efforts, however minor. This recognition builds self-efficacy, reinforcing their ability to make positive changes. It’s a reminder that despite challenges, there are achievements to celebrate. Over time, this practice fosters resilience, helping parents stay motivated and committed to their growth journey.

2. Creating a Positive Mindset

Beginning a session focusing on positives sets a constructive tone. It helps clients enter a mindset conducive to productive problem-solving, reducing the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed. Positive psychology research shows that a positive mindset enhances cognitive flexibility, making generating creative solutions to problems more accessible. This approach also strengthens the therapeutic alliance, as clients feel understood and supported in a balanced way, fostering deeper trust and collaboration.

3, Building Resilience

Parenting involves a series of ups and downs. When I coach parents, I have found that looking at what’s going well strengthens resilience by affirming that setbacks are not the entirety of the experience. Clients learn that challenges are part of the journey but don’t define it. Recognizing successes is an act of resilience, refusing to let difficulties overshadow positive aspects of life.

4. Balancing the Narrative

Addressing what could be better is equally important. However, we create a balanced narrative by starting with what’s going well. This approach prevents the session from becoming solely about complaints and encourages a nuanced exploration of strengths and challenges.

Practical Application in Coaching

In practice, this question leads to more productive sessions. For instance, a parent struggling with a defiant child may come in feeling overwhelmed. When asked what has been going well, they might recall successfully de-escalating a conflict or being consistent with boundaries. As I found when researching my book 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child, acknowledging these wins provides a foundation for further discussion of strategies to improve the parenting approach.

Similarly, discussing areas for improvement is framed within the context of progress. The client isn’t starting from a point of failure but from a place of growth. This perspective encourages viewing challenges as opportunities for improvement rather than insurmountable obstacles.

Conclusion: The Balance of Growth and Improvement

The question “What has been going well and what could be better?” is more than a conversation starter; it’s a coaching tool that embodies positive psychology principles. It helps parent-coaching clients focus on their successes, reinforcing their strengths and progress. At the same time, it allows for exploring growth areas, ensuring that sessions address both positive and challenging aspects of their parenting journey. Maintaining this balance creates a space where healing, growth, and resilience can flourish.