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Life Gets Better

The unexpected pleasures of growing older.

Environment
Get Out of Yourself

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on March 1, 2015

We are fortunate when something happens that extricates us from an excessive focus on ourselves. The hardest burden in life is self-centeredness.

We are fortunate when something happens that extricates us from an excessive focus on ourselves. The hardest burden in life is self-centeredness.

Aging
When is Enough, Enough?

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on December 1, 2014

If we knew for certain how long it would go on, we could pace ourselves in caregiving situations and parcel out our energies. But this is rarely the case. Even when a parent reaches an advanced age like ninety, there can be several more years of mutual captivity when the parent has to receive too much and it's hard to figure how much giving is enough.

If we knew for certain how long it would go on, we could pace ourselves in caregiving situations and parcel out our energies. But this is rarely the case. Even when a parent reaches an advanced age like ninety, there can be several more years of mutual captivity when the parent has to receive too much and it's hard to figure how much giving is enough.

Child Development
Childhood Lasts a Thousand Years

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on September 29, 2014

Childhood lasts a thousand years; the rest of life passes in a blink of time by comparison. Thus, an adaptation made to our particular circumstances long ago may live on in adulthood as cringing around conflict, a habit of self-reliance, barriers against intimacy, set ways of doing things, or other expressions of what happened during that thousand-year period.

Childhood lasts a thousand years; the rest of life passes in a blink of time by comparison. Thus, an adaptation made to our particular circumstances long ago may live on in adulthood as cringing around conflict, a habit of self-reliance, barriers against intimacy, set ways of doing things, or other expressions of what happened during that thousand-year period.

Embarrassment
Your Parents Are Afraid of You

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on January 6, 2014

Finally seeing our parents as people is similar to reading a novel at twenty and then reading it again at forty. The reader changes so much in the intervening years that the book seems entirely different. In the second reading, passages that were barely noticed before become significant and moving, and chapters previously skimmed become central.

Finally seeing our parents as people is similar to reading a novel at twenty and then reading it again at forty. The reader changes so much in the intervening years that the book seems entirely different. In the second reading, passages that were barely noticed before become significant and moving, and chapters previously skimmed become central.

Grief
The Great Pool of Grief

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on October 8, 2013

Inside all of us is a great pool of grief that keeps enlarging as each fresh loss is added to the others. This is why we often find ourselves weeping for earlier losses along with a present heartache. Sometimes even a sad scene in a movie will get me into that pool, and my tears flow from that indistinguishable source.

Inside all of us is a great pool of grief that keeps enlarging as each fresh loss is added to the others. This is why we often find ourselves weeping for earlier losses along with a present heartache. Sometimes even a sad scene in a movie will get me into that pool, and my tears flow from that indistinguishable source.

pen and ink tree branch
Aging
Live Like Your Life Depends on It

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on July 13, 2013

Life gets better on every level as we get older, except the physical, but stereotypes about aging are so insidious and the physical realities are so prominent that we miss seeing the inner radiance that so many attain.

Life gets better on every level as we get older, except the physical, but stereotypes about aging are so insidious and the physical realities are so prominent that we miss seeing the inner radiance that so many attain.

Attention
Unconnected, Just Alive

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on May 27, 2013

I don’t carry a cell phone or a web-connected device. I can’t stand the idea of having my attention taken away from who or what is immediately around me. I like to be where I am. Especially if I am walking with a beloved person in the woods near my home, I wouldn’t want to be transported electronically to the vicinity of some other person and place.

I don’t carry a cell phone or a web-connected device. I can’t stand the idea of having my attention taken away from who or what is immediately around me. I like to be where I am. Especially if I am walking with a beloved person in the woods near my home, I wouldn’t want to be transported electronically to the vicinity of some other person and place.

Loneliness
Faking the Holiday Spirit

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on December 16, 2012

Amidst a convivial atmosphere, feeling blue is a direct route to loneliness but pretending to be happy is a terrible burden. There are ways to break through the pretense.

Amidst a convivial atmosphere, feeling blue is a direct route to loneliness but pretending to be happy is a terrible burden. There are ways to break through the pretense.

Career
Dispensing with the Trivial

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on October 25, 2012

Imagine being able to rise above an immediate frustration, to relegate it to a pile of trivial concerns and feel much less bothered. We are constantly assailed with pettiness – tasks, errands, irritants, disputes and ordinary mishaps – and so being able to call up a larger, overriding perspective is surely a key to living well. How do we acquire and hone this capacity?

Imagine being able to rise above an immediate frustration, to relegate it to a pile of trivial concerns and feel much less bothered. We are constantly assailed with pettiness – tasks, errands, irritants, disputes and ordinary mishaps – and so being able to call up a larger, overriding perspective is surely a key to living well. How do we acquire and hone this capacity?

Confidence
The 20's: Our Hardest Years

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on August 30, 2012

Our society's veneration of youth is excessive and misleading. Youth is a time of uncertainty, confusion, and angst. As we get older, we figure out how to live.

Our society's veneration of youth is excessive and misleading. Youth is a time of uncertainty, confusion, and angst. As we get older, we figure out how to live.

Relationships
Getting Better All the Time

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on June 11, 2012

“What makes a good marriage?” I once posed this question to a 99-year-old man with some experience in this matter.

“What makes a good marriage?” I once posed this question to a 99-year-old man with some experience in this matter.

Memory
The Scents of Our Lives

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on April 30, 2012

The kinds of memories summoned by smell can arise when we are least prepared for the extent of their power.

The kinds of memories summoned by smell can arise when we are least prepared for the extent of their power.

Relationships
Ten Ways Life Gets Better as We Get Older

Wendy Lustbader M.S.W. on December 31, 2011

It is amazing to discover how much better life gets as we get older and master the skills of living well. We handle relationships better, we make decisions with less frenzy, our self-confidence grows, and we compare ourselves to others less and less.

It is amazing to discover how much better life gets as we get older and master the skills of living well. We handle relationships better, we make decisions with less frenzy, our self-confidence grows, and we compare ourselves to others less and less.