"Love Is Blind" Analysis: Thoughts From a Psychologist

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The Netflix show "Love Is Blind" hit the streaming service like a hurricane. Fans wanted to know: Is love really blind? Can couples fall in love—and stay in love—without ever seeing each other?

The basic premise of the show is to understand if couples can fall in love—and follow through with marriage—without ever seeing what their beau looks like. Individuals on the show date in "pods," in which they can speak to, but not see, the other person. From there, daters can choose if they would like to go on more "dates" with the people they've talked to. In the end, some couples decide to part ways, and others propose marriage.

Once engaged, couples endure a series of tests, like living together, meeting each others' families, and planning a wedding. These life events are extremely stressful, even for couples who have strong relationships spanning years (rather than weeks).

Some couples found their love was "blind," and others did not, but was the show really testing if love was blind, or something else entirely?

Here are three problems with the hit series "Love Is Blind," from the perspective of a psychologist:

1. Participants are led to believe they are "not enough" if they don't follow through.

While participants search for love, the show implies they're also searching for their self-worth.

Throughout the series, hosts Vanessa and Nick Lachey make comments that imply you are "not enough" if you don't decide to marry someone you just met. Comments include, "Will you allow the opinion of family and friends, the allure of other people, and the distractions of social media to sabotage your wedding? To sabotage your happiness?" And perhaps the most glaring example was the host's comment, "Will love be enough? Is who you are on the inside enough? Are you enough?"

The show somehow insinuates that the relationship (with someone you met a few weeks ago) does not end in marriage, it is your fault and somehow you are "not enough." Ultimately, someone's self-worth should not be tied to whether or not they decide to marry a particular person (on national television, to boot). Marriages should be a celebration of partnership, not a tool to prove your worthiness. In this way, the show deviates from the goal of love.

2. Friend and family member concerns just fuel the fire.

In therapy, there is a technique called "devil's advocate." In this technique, the therapist argues for the opposite position, so the client can come up with reasons against the position. For example, if you're trying to get someone to commit to therapy for a few months, you might say, "Well it sounds really hard to do therapy for that long; why would you even want to do that?" This puts the person in a position to affirm why they want to come to therapy. A similar phenomenon happens in "Love Is Blind" when friends and family share their (very valid) concerns about moving forward with marriage after such a short period of time.

The "Love Is Blind" participants have made a decision to commit to this marriage. When friends and family state hesitancy or disagreement with the choice, daters are put in a position to argue for why they should continue with the marriage. This phenomenon polarizes them to feel even more committed to the choice. This is not inherently bad, but it does make it more challenging for daters to make a balanced decision. Ultimately, "Love Is Blind" daters may convince themselves to follow through for the sake of doing so, not truly because they wish to marry the person in front of them.

3. There is simply not enough time.

Different people have different opinions on how much time is enough time to get to know someone. Some people believe "love at first sight" exists, and you can "just know" based on intuition, while others feel you need time to make a balanced decision about who to spend your life with.

Research shows married people knew their partners were "the one" after five or six months of getting to know them. The entire show spans about one-and-a-half months, which gives couples approximately four months less time to make a good decision. While some may argue that the show's accelerated process allows couples to go through the same steps at a faster rate, you cannot rush the time it takes to get to know someone and integrate them into your life.

For example, in the show, couples have a limited time together before they are engaged. It becomes clear throughout (particularly once the couple is living together) that couples haven't talked through important marriage topics like financial habits and goals, values, religion, or parenting styles.

Daters also aren't equipped to handle conflict with their new partners. When challenges arise around communication styles, age differences, or trust violations, the couples flounder. Instead of having conversations over years, discussions take place over days. Participants appear to feel this time pressure, displaying an urgency to resolve issues now, which adds stress and anxiety that can come off as anger toward their partners. The timing is simply not long enough for each couple to learn how to communicate and disagree effectively.

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Conclusion

Ultimately, "Love Is Blind" puts couples in a pressure cooker of romance, drama, fear, and urgency as they make one of the most important decisions of their lives.

It is clear that the issues with the show call into question if the experience is really testing if love is "blind." Couples may be able to fall in love, but the ability to stay in love and build a marriage is something else entirely, and only some couples manage it. Ultimately, the concept of love is extremely complex—it involves physical attraction, emotional intimacy, shared values, and a desire to be together. Love cannot be reduced to a single source, which is perhaps the biggest message from the show.

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