Social Pain = Physical Pain

Chronic pain can mean less ability to engage in social activities. As a result, relationships may change or fall away. This can cause an additional layer of pain—called social pain.

Social pain is caused from social disconnection or rejection. People with chronic pain often experience social disconnection and painful loss of relationships and professional roles.

fMRI research has shown that the pain of social exclusion increases physical pain by activating areas of the brain associated with physical pain.

This month, the social impacts of pain and social pain proper figure prominently in the popular media.

In the upcoming movie Cake, Jennifer Aniston portrays a woman living with physical and emotional scars, and debilitating chronic pain. The social aspects of pain figure prominently in the drama. Chronic pain can lead to disconnection from others, is which then leads to more pain.

Also this month Women’s Health magazine published a feature in which women living with chronic pain tell how pain has impacted their relationships with people in their lives: family, friends, employers, even strangers.

While social pain is a critical and overlooked aspect of chronic pain here are small ways to minimize its impacts.

5 Tips to Reduce Social Pain (while living with chronic pain)

(1) Communication is Key. Be sure to let the people you care about that you have chronic pain. People often show no outward signs of chronic pain so they will not know unless you tell them.

(2) Expect people to forget you have chronic pain. Even after telling friends and family you have chronic pain, they will forget because your pain is not visible. Have patience with others as their forgetting does not mean they don’t care. Without making chronic pain the main topic of every conversation, you may find ways to gently let people know how you are doing, even if they forget to ask.

(3) Avoid the dark pitfall of social withdrawal. “I got tired of cancelling so I quit making plans with friends.” Fight for your connection with friends and loved ones. So you made dinner plans and feel completely lousy? Use the time to catch up with your friend over the phone while you take care of yourself at home. Or set up a call for the next day.

(4) Let people know you are disappointed. When you must cancel, let your family or friends know you are disappointed and why. You may worry that you are disappointing others by cancelling plans, but remember that you are disappointed too. Sharing in the disappointment brings you closer together. After all, you are both in the relationship. It can also help others feel less rejected by you when the disappointment is mutual and openly discussed. Then see if you can make a Plan B together.

(5) Make the most of social media to stay connected with loved ones and friends. Text, email, Skype, Facetime, Twitter, and phone calls are great options to consider. If you are isolated now, re-establish healthy connections with social media as a first step.

Pain may limit your activities but it need not rob you of social connection. Think of social connection as good medicine and self-care for pain, and be sure to focus on getting your regular, nourishing dose.