10 Proven Ways to Make a Baby Feel Loved

These 10 bite-sized actions, backed by science, help babies feel loved, engaged, happy, and calm. They also grow infants' brains, change their DNA for the better, and prime them for language development, academic learning, quality relationships, and life satisfaction.

Happy Talking

Research suggests that newborns prefer their mother's voice to other voices (Decasper & Fifer, 1980). Infants also prefer happy-sounding speech to neutral speech (Corbeil, Trehub, & Peretz, 2013). They prefer "motherese," or speech that is linguistically simplified and characterized by high pitch and exaggerated intonation (Fernald, 1985).

Talking to infants in motherese may play a role in language learning by engaging infants' emotions and highlighting the structure of language to help babies decode the puzzle of syllables and sentences (Fuller-Wright, 2017). Of note, mothers who speak all different languages (e.g., Cantonese, Hungarian, Russian, Mandarin, etc.) naturally use motherese and shift their "vocal timbre," or unique quality of sound, when speaking to infants (Fuller-Wright, 2017).

Infants who are talked to more have better language-processing skills and vocabulary (Weisleder & Fernald, 2013). Gerber (2003) recommends that parents respectfully describe to infants what they will do next (e.g., I will wipe your back with this warm washcloth.) so infants build trust and know what to expect.

Research suggests that "conversational turn-taking" or "back and forth interaction" (rather than just quantity of words) with infants grows their brains (Huber et al., 2023). Small moments of conversational turns (on-topic speech, contextually relevant, with limited response delay across speakers) during mealtimes, diaper changes, or transitions build brain pathways for future interactions (Huber et al., 2023).

Eye Contact

Eye contact and gazing help infants feel happier, calmer, bonded, and more engaged. Eye contact can grow areas of an infant's brain and synchronize parent-infant brain waves. It also builds kids' vocabulary.

Eye gazing is more frequent in infants who have a secure infant-mother attachment relationship (compared to those with insecure or disorganized attachment) (Astor et al., 2020). When mothers in one study gazed at their active mothers' faces and hands (versus mothers' still faces), they smiled more and vocalized more (Stack & Arnold, 1998).

There is also a positive correlation between the frequency of mother-child eye gaze and the quality of mother-child interactions (Kuboshita, Fujisawa, & Makita, 2020). Research suggests that mutual gazing between parent and infant calms children when stressed (Blass, Lumeng, & Patil, 2007).

Eye gazing stimulates an infant's brain. One study utilizing magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) showed a positive correlation between the frequency of eye gaze and associations with intrinsic areas of the brain in both infants and mothers (Kuboshita, Fujisawa, & Makita, 2020). Other research by Victoria Leong and colleagues found that when an adult and child had eye contact, their brainwaves synchronized more with each other (Leong, Byrne, Clackson, & Wass, 2017).

When infants get eye-gaze cues, they gain precursors for learning words. There is "good evidence" for longitudinal relationships between infants' gaze-following abilities and later receptive and expressive vocabulary (Cetincelik, Rowland, & Snijders, 2021).

Cuddling and Hugging

Cuddling and hugging infants also help them feel loved, be more engaged, and be less stressed. It even changes their DNA.

Babies exposed to skin-to-skin contact with their mothers showed more engagement, reciprocity, and "social bidding" with their mothers, which persisted until the children were at least 9 years old (Bigelow & Power, 2020). Mothers who engaged in skin-to-skin with their babies also reported fewer depressive and stress indicators (Bigelow & Power, 2020).

The amount of close and comforting contact between infants and caregivers impacts children at the molecular level, detectable years later. Children who had received less physical contact as babies had a molecular profile in their cells and DNA that was underdeveloped for their age (Science Daily, 2017; Moore et al., 2018).

Research suggests that affective touch (e.g., holding a baby) helps infants establish social bonds, prosocial behaviors, and synchrony during parent-infant interactions (Carozza & Leong, 2020). This occurs through impacts on oxytocin, dopamine, and endogenous opioid systems (Carozza & Leong, 2020).

Attuning and Engagement

Attunement is a crucial part of bonding and attachment, or the ability to be aware of and respond to children's needs (warmth, food, sleep, safety, and love). Attunement involves respecting a child's natural rhythms, observing to see how the child is feeling or reacting, maintaining a structure or routine, and engaging with an infant without being intrusive or neglectful (Child Development Institute, n.d.). Healthy attunement and attachment strengthen brain regions involved in social, cognitive, and emotional functioning (Leblanc et al., 2017).

Harvard University researchers describe back-and-forth interactions with infants as "serve-and-return" interactions, similar to "a lively game of ping pong" (Center on the Developing Child, n.d.). Young children naturally "reach out" for interactions, attention, or connection. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute calls these "bids" for attention or interaction (Ury, n.d.). When an infant gives a signal (such as a babble, facial expression, gesture, or cry), does the parent respond appropriately (e.g., eye contact, words, or hug)? If the baby smiles, does the parent smile back? Researchers have found that when caregivers are responsive to a child's signals, positive connections are built in the brain (Center on the Developing Child, n.d.).

Playing (Interactive Play and Respecting Independent Play)

A mix of free (unoccupied) independent play and interactive play (such as peekaboo or "floor time") helps kids grow. Researchers Krol and Connelly found that mothers' greater quality of play and engagement in play sessions predict positive changes in their children's oxytocin systems and DNA (Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences, 2019).

Independent play is also important for infants because it allows them to have sensory experiences (experience different textures, sensations, and materials), prepares them for some solitary play when they are older, helps them develop motor skills, and helps them understand their bodies (Brightwheel, n.d.).

Smiling

When mothers smile at their babies, babies tend to smile bigger (e.g., cheek raising and mouth opening), which, research suggests, is associated with a shared positive affect (Messinger, Fogel, & Dickson, 2001). By 4 months, infants smile at their mothers in a purposive, goal-oriented fashion. They time their smiles to try to get their moms to smile (Ruvolo, Messinger, Movellan, 2015). When first-time mothers see their baby's happy face, an extensive brain network is activated, and moms get a dopamine reward (Strathearn, Li, Fonagy, & Montague, 2008).

Singing or Playing Music

Singing or playing happy songs calms babies, boosts their moods, and helps them learn precursors of language, too. Music is often discussed as "the language of emotions" due to its ability to arouse or regulate emotions. Music has been found to affect stress reduction significantly in both physiological and psychological outcomes (deWitte et al., 2020).

Happy music has been found to calm babies' levels of arousal and decelerate their heart rates (Nagy et al., 2022). When mothers sing to babies, babies may be mesmerized or "intensely engaged," signaled by their increased attention and reduced amount of movements (Nakata, 2004). One study found that infants as young as 5 months old can discriminate between happy and sad musical excerpts under certain conditions (Flom, Gentile, & Pick, 2008).

Other research by Goswami found that babies learn language from rhythmic information (not phonetic information) in their first months and that using sing-song speech or nursery rhymes helps babies learn a language (University of Cambridge, n.d.).

Reading and Warmth

Research suggests that reading books to infants is associated with increased parental warmth and sensitivity and decreased parental stress (Canfield et al., 2020). Consistently reading to infants also helps improve infants' language scores (Science Daily, 2023).

Rituals and Routines

Family routines and rituals are associated with children's health, academic achievement, and stronger family relationships (Fiese et al., 2002). They act as grounding anchors of stability and comfort during times of stress or transition (Fiese et al., 2002).

The predictability of routines helps infants with self-regulation, consistency, closeness in relationships, and a feeling of knowing what to expect each day (Bocknek, n.d.). Lansbury (n.d.) argues that "creating routines and rituals is one of the most respectful and empowering things we can do for our babies." Lansbury (n.d.) describes a ritual as doing the same thing in the same way every time so children know exactly what to expect.

Calm and Joyful Mood

Babies pick up on parents' stress, anxiety, and conflict or joy. Graham and colleagues (2013) found maternal reports of higher interparental conflict were associated with their infants' heightened neural responses. When parents spoke in very angry tones, several of the babies' brain regions related to stress reactivity and regulation (including rostral anterior cingulate cortex, caudate, thalamus, and hypothalamus) were impacted, according to measured MRIs.

Waters (2014) found that when mothers were exposed to stressful tasks, their infant's physiological reactivity mirrored the mother's reactivity.

Babies can also pick up on mothers' anxiety. Williams and colleagues (2013) found that maternal anxiety significantly predicted child stress (measured by cortisol secretion). De Rosnay (2006) found that, following a socially anxious mother-stranger interaction, infants were significantly more fearful and avoidant with strangers.

Babies may also be able to pick up on joy. Although their study was done with adults, Fowler and Christakis (2008) found that people surrounded by happy people are likelier to become happy in the future.

Intentionally connecting with infants creates lasting positive outcomes for years to come. Positive emotions in infants are associated with adult life satisfaction (Coffey, Warren, & Gottfried, 2015). They also predict educational success at age 29. Happier babies are more likely to graduate from high school and college (Coffey, 2019).

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