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There may not be words to sufficiently describe the experience 2020 has meant for boys and girls, and men and women, across the world. If you consider the phenomenology (what it “feels” like) of your own experience, you can probably conjure several words that may include frustrated, depressed, confused, or even angry. If you’re an adult, you have cultivated over time a certain insight and awareness about your thoughts and feelings. For children, especially children who haven’t reached the junior high years, they often have not yet developed such insight and coping skills.
As challenging as the effects of COVID-19 have been for parents due to lost jobs or decreased revenue, having to teach their children who are engaged in distance learning, and the inevitable social and emotional losses that have come with this unique period of time, the lived experience of children during this unique period is even more confusing and challenging. In many areas, children are at home seven days per week, from morning until night.
How can you comfort school-age children forced to stay at home during COVID-19?
Young kids who are suffering through COVID-19 and distance learning are, without a doubt, suffering. They have lost a lot: the structure of a traditional environment, the constancy of socializing with friends, and an overall sense of predictability in daily life. While adults are suffering in innumerable ways, as well, parents must focus on comforting their children during this time because children simply don’t have the same emotional and psychological resources adults have learned.
Tell your kids, “I know this time has been hard and weird for you.”
On difficult days, it may be tempting to scoff at the notion that kids are having as hard a time as parents through COVID. Many parents have lost jobs, and those same parents are still responsible to pay all the bills, provide food and shelter, and emotionally protect the children. Despite these challenges, make a point to tell your children that you see how these circumstances have been hard for them, too.
Ask your children what this experience has been like for them.
One simple question can have a profound effect in making your children feel like you notice and care about their feelings. Ask them, “What has this been like for you, staying at home?” Children spend the vast majority of their young lives being told what to do by parents, teachers, and coaches. Giving a child the space to share their thoughts and feelings makes the child feel noticed and special, and makes them feel like they matter.
Make an effort to get your children the exercise they need.
One of the harshest realities for children since the pandemic began is that children are not getting the exercise—and releasing the pent-up energy every child has—they need. Unfortunately, the pandemic has added even more items to the parent’s to-do list than existed before, but parents would serve their children well to be disciplined to ensure that their children get out of the house and employ physical outlets. The indirect benefit, of course, for parents, is that exercising your children will benefit you, too, because those children’s moods will be better balanced once they return home post-exercise.
Give your children a sense of hope by reminding them that these circumstances won’t last forever.
The passage of time is experienced differently between children and adults. A month for a young child, for example, can feel like a year, while a month, for an adult, can feel like it flies by in a week. During this period when children are attending school remotely or otherwise cut off socially from their friends or sports due to COVID restrictions, parents must remember to reassure their children by instilling a sense of hope that things will get better in the future. Say, “This won’t last forever, even if it sometimes feels like it will.” In addition, consider saying, “Sometimes there are hard times in life, but I will be here with you until things get better.”
Finally, remember that your own degree of self-care impacts how well you can comfort your children.
Parents who are balanced in their mood influence their children to have more balanced moods, too. In order for parents to have a balanced mood, they must engage in a healthy menu of positive coping activities. Exercise that causes increased heart rate is healthy, but just as healthy is a mix of activities that are relaxing. In other words, it is healthy and will help to balance your mood to, perhaps, go jogging and practice meditation in the same day or week. Regardless of which specific activities you choose, remember to practice a mix of activities and to practice them on a regular basis. Your mood, your children’s moods, and your own capacity to comfort your children during a difficult time will benefit.
