The Pitfalls of Perfectionism

Being perfect, as you’ve likely heard, is an impossible aspiration for any human person; consequently, trying to be perfect is a hopeless and doomed affair. But this common knowledge won’t eliminate the mental health scourge of perfectionism, which many of its practitioners may still see as a healthy effort toward optimum living. Let’s be fair, of course: Trying to be perfect can motivate us to work hard on our goals and encourages us to put forth our best efforts (Thomson, 2019)—neither of which is a bad thing. Anyone who watched the Paris Olympics has seen the glowing results of a contemporary athlete’s pursuit of perfection; performances like those of our gold medal winners seem so flawless that they deserve our full respect and reverence. In fields like sports or dance, perfection seems like a worthwhile goal, as it brings out some truly memorable efforts (Stoeber, 2018). But even so, the overall negative results of perfectionistic strivings will generally overwhelm the positive.

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According to Martin M. Antony and Richard P. Swinson, who literally wrote the book on perfectionism (that is, When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism), most perfectionistic people demonstrate three main traits: adopting personal standards too high to meet; setting performance expectations so high that outcomes are not improved but inhibited; and experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of their frustrated need to be perfect. The pressures they feel, as Antony and Swinson describe, come from within and usually apply to themselves as much as they apply to the people in their lives.

At first blush, having high standards might seem like a good quality. But consider what it might be like to hold the kind of standards that neither you nor anyone else in your life can meet. Practically speaking, unrealistic standards will lead to a lot of wasted time, as a perfectionist endlessly measures, calibrates, or analyzes instead of working to complete a project. Joachim Stoeber, in The Psychology of Perfectionism: Theory, Research, Applications, points out that perfectionists tend to be notorious procrastinators. Minor tasks like completing forms or sending emails can take an unusually long time when the fear of making mistakes slows down normal progress (Antony & Swinson, 2009). Perfectionists rarely feel comfortable taking on a job—be it ordinary or difficult—unless they are fully certain of success. And they’re not especially good at delegating nonessential tasks to others, either, as they may have trouble distinguishing between high-priority and low-priority objectives—as Alice Boyes noted in a 2020 article in the Harvard Business Review. They want to be in full control, even when it means that they themselves become an obstacle to success.

Internally, these perfectionistic strivings may have even more serious and damaging effects. If you’re unwilling to take on a new assignment because you’re not sure you’ll be able to carry it out with absolute perfection, your motivation may suffer, which, in turn, can lead to task failure (Store, 2018). Fears of failure are common in perfectionists (often seen in athletes, as noted in Correia, 2018). This makes sense if you take a moment to imagine how difficult a job can seem if an impeccable outcome is the only one you can accept. People who live with this kind of burden, according to Thomson in New Scientist, may never muster the courage to try at all.

In his 2018 book, The Psychology of Perfectionism, Joachim Stoeber described the origins of perfectionism as a junction of two exaggerated instincts: perfectionistic strivings and perfectionist concerns. We’ve reviewed the extreme, unnecessarily high personal standards that comprise perfectionistic strivings, which themselves can be channeled into three different directions: toward the self, toward others, and toward societal assumptions. Someone with self-oriented perfectionism will labor under their own personal expectations, and may never be able to live up to these stratospheric standards. A student who strives toward perfectionism in this way may become depressed if they do not answer every test question correctly, or if their grades are not the highest in the class. Someone whose perfectionism is other-oriented, in contrast, holds those high expectations for the behavior or responsibilities of others. A person like this will make a very difficult and demanding boss—as Antony & Swinson have noted—and will likely not tolerate any deviation from full workplace dedication on the part of their employees. Lastly, socially prescribed perfectionism consists of holding false assumptions about the unrealistically high expectations of others and then feeling pressure to live up to those standards. Apart from these three styles of perfectionistic strivings, perfectionistic concerns focus attention inward rather than outward, stirring up anxiety about ordinary activities, generating serious self-doubts, and making it seem impossible to live out one’s daily life without making mistakes.

In these ways, striving too hard to be perfect—especially in times of stress—has been associated with various mental health concerns. Perfectionism can generate powerful negative emotions and can even, at times of heightened stress, lead to a major depressive episode (Antony & Swinson, 2009). The deeply felt obligation to consistently produce exceptional results, according to Alice Boyes, has been linked to “feelings of anxiety, a lack of confidence, and the nagging doubt of imposter syndrome” (Boyes, 2020). And in a 2015 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Review, perfectionism was linked to professional “burnout,” in the sense of emotional exhaustion and an inability to cope with the ongoing professional demands of work.

Recognizing how we are hard on ourselves—even when we're just demanding our very best efforts— can contribute to relief from the strain of perfectionism. Antony & Swinson (2009) suggest that some of us (such as those whose perfectionism is self-oriented) may need to reduce our expectations and recognize that lowering our standards may not be a terrible idea. After all, there is a significant difference between aiming high and refusing to accept anything other than perfection, and this difference is one of degree. Striving toward success and self-improvement is a good thing, until it isn’t; self-discipline and determination drive us toward positive results until they don’t. With these dialectics in mind, and with the aid of someone with whom to openly discuss these issues, those who suffer under the self-imposed demands of perfectionism may be able to find relief and work toward change.