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It’s understandable that we may feel jealous of someone's looks, career, possessions, luck, or romantic partner.
We normally think of jealousy as something to quell. After all, it can make a person:
- Sabotage competitors for a promotion
- Less kind.
- Be unduly materialistic
- Be less likely to feel gratitude, an emotion that's key to feeling good.
Jealousy does have an upside: It's motivating. Being jealous can make you work harder to get that promotion, home, wonderful romantic partner, whatever.
Increasing Jealousy
Write down one or more people or things you’re jealous of. For each, write a plus sign if the jealousy is in your best interest and a minus sign if it’s not.
To increase your jealousy, spend more time thinking about or looking at what you’re jealous of. That can motivate you to take action to improve the situation.
Let's say you notice your romantic partner eyeing (or more) an attractive person. You might think about it and, for example, conclude that your partner isn't an inveterate flirt but that you haven't been as good a partner as you should be. So you might decide to be kinder, more generous, or more responsible. Jealousy can fuel action.
Or let’s say you’re jealous of a friend who has a better job than yours. Picture the benefits that a better job would yield. Are you jealous of the money? Power? Status? Making a difference? After considering the benefits and liabilities of a “better" job, if you conclude you’d like one, what baby steps do you want to take toward getting one?
Or, let’s say you’re jealous of your neighbor’s car. You’ve concluded that you’d be wise to start saving for one so you can replace that clunker of yours. Perhaps looking at the vehicle in their driveway and picking your color and options, or even test-driving one can increase your motivation to save for one.
Decreasing Jealousy
To decrease your jealousy, of course, spend less time thinking about or looking at what you’re jealous of.
Let’s say you’re jealous of an attractive coworker. Try to muster the restraint to minimize your time with, looking at, and thinking about that person.
If you’re jealous of people’s better physical or mental health and you’ve already done what you can to maximize yours, when a thought of others’ better health intrudes, try to distract yourself by thinking or doing something constructive or pleasurable.
When Someone is Jealous of You
When someone is jealous of you, sometimes, you’ll just feel flattered. But other times, it’s wise to address the issue.
For example, let’s say that you believe that a coworker is bad-mouthing you, withholding important information, refusing to help you while finding time to help others. Should you gently confront the person? For example, you might say, “Perhaps I’m wrong but I'm getting the sense that you’re trying to keep me from getting that promotion. Am I off-base?” The person probably won't admit it but your calling it out will often stop the problem. If not, decide whether it’s wise to go to your boss or to warn the person that if the sabotaging persists, you will do so.
Or let’s say you have great children and a jealous friend is always finding a way to diminish your kids or extol the joys of being child-free. Should you just feel sorry for that person? Be an empathic supporter of the person's wishing s/he had kids? Or call the person on the hurtful words?
The takeaway
Jealousy is typically viewed negatively but it can be a positive. Might you want to try one or more of these ideas for decreasing or even increasing your jealousy?
I read this aloud on YouTube.
