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We sometimes get locked into perceptions or definitions of what things are “supposed” to be or not be. High-achievers are as guilty of this as anyone else, sometimes more in certain respects. As an example, I was working with a burned out high-achieving women a few years ago who referred to herself as "relax-resistant." She insisted that nothing she tried relaxed her. “I’ve tried a meditation class,” she said. “If it wouldn’t have been so embarrassing, I would have run screaming out the door in the first two minutes. Instead, I sat through it and left more stressed than when I went in. Yoga. Same thing. Day spa. Bored out of my mind. Nothing works for me.”
I asked if she had ever tried a vacation. Her response—“I want to come home as soon as I get there. I tried laying on the beach, listening to the waves. I even had a few drinks to calm me down, and it was okay for a while. But then I got a headache and my mind went to this and to that. I ended up leaving earlier than my friends and coming back to work.”
When I asked her to define vacation for me, she looked at me like I had three heads and insisted that she knew what a vacation was, but I persisted and she conceded by saying that a vacation is time away from work where you do something relaxing. So I asked her to define relaxing. “It’s when you just chill out," she said. "Don’t do anything serious. Just breathe slowly and discover your inner self, I guess.”
I then asked her if that was her definition of relaxing or someone else’s since it didn’t seem like chilling out, breathing slowly, and discovering her inner self was particularly relaxing to her. But she kept going back to “that’s just what relaxing means,” that’s how “everybody” defines it.
I use this conversation as an example in my book, High-Octane Women: How Superachievers Can Avoid Burnout" because this woman was doing what a lot of high-achievers do—trying to force what works for most people into working for them. The problem is that high-achievers aren't most people. Although what works for most people may work for them (and if it does, that's great), I'm never really surprised when I hear that it doesn't. High-achievers don't always fit the mold, and when something doesn't fit, forcing it often just makes the situation worse.
My point is that no one has the patent on relaxing. When someone asks me what they can do to relax, I usually say, "I don't know. What kind of activity (or lack thereof) do you find relaxing and calming?" No one can say what is relaxing to another person. They can only say what relaxes them. Much like beauty is in the mind of the beholder, relaxation is in the mind of the relaxer.
The same holds true for stress-reduction. What reduces one person's stress may send another person through the roof. So I put together some less traditional stress reducers that have worked for some of the high-octane women I've worked with over the years, many of whom came to the realization that when it comes to what they find relaxing and rejuvenating, they have to think outside of the box.
The ideas that follow are in no way intended to limit you in your quest to find effective stress relief. In fact, I encourage you to let your mind wander as far as you will allow it to go when you're trying to find stress relief that will work for you. But just to get your out of the box thinking started, here are a few ideas to consider.
Extreme Vacations
Helicoptering over Mt. Everest, running with the bulls, heli-skiing, shark diving, African safari, drag racing school, sand boarding in the Peruvian desert, spelunking (I'll let you look that one up)—all very pricey, of course. After all, we're talking extremes, but those high flyers who are earning the big bucks have reported that this is THEIR kind of vacation, and when they get back to work, they feel relaxed, recharged, and ready to engage.
Extreme Sports
Extreme Sports
Physical activity is often cited as a great stress reliever, but for many high-achievers, traditional exercise and sports routines bore them to tears. If this is you, you may want to consider taking your exercise and/or sports choices up a notch. What about amateur ice hockey, sky diving, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, skateboarding, snowboarding, kayaking down the rapids, wind surfing, hang gliding, ski jumping, cliff diving, powerboat racing, or any other kind of extreme sport you can imagine? In today's increasingly global and entrepreneurial world, if it exists, you can probably find someone somewhere offering the experience.
Now that you get the gist, I'm going to stop the commentary and just start listing.
Extreme Hobbies
Bow and arrow shooting, target shooting, self-defense classes, paint ball, or likely the biggest challenge of them all—playing Wii sports with your kids.
Extreme Workouts
Spinning, boot camp workouts, kick boxing, shadow boxing …
Find a Cause
Politics, global warming, charities, rescue missions, homelessness, food banks, domestic violence shelters, food kitchens, animal shelters …
Challenge Your Brain
Discover a new language, go back to school, find a new career, visit historic museums, collect rare coins or stamps …
These and as many more as you can imagine are certainly not your normal ways to relax, but who cares? Really. High-achievers typically have several things in common. They thrive on excitement. They experience things passionately. And they love challenges. So if "extreme" stress reducers lower your stress level and make you feel better, why stick with normal? Who ever said that your out of the box thinking should stop at stress relief?
© 2014 Sherrie Bourg Carter, All Rights Reserved
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Sherrie Bourg Carter is the author of High Octane Women: How Superachievers Can Avoid Burnout (Prometheus Books, 2011).
