"Trad Wives" Today Live in a Highly Nontraditional World

Susan, a 29-year-old mother of three, is happy to stay at home with her kids. She is financially comfortable, has help when she needs it, and has the emotional support of her husband. Her friends envy her comfortable situation. Susan’s mother was a nurse, a working mom, and Susan is relieved to live a less stressful life.

On the other hand, Carmen would like to work outside of the house. She feels stuck with her four children in the family's tiny trailer home. “In the summer, it gets very hot, and if I worked, we would have money for child-care part-time and maybe a better place to live.” Carmen adds, “Sometimes I am so curious about the world out there.” She sighs,” My husband does not want me to work outside the home.” (1)

Olivia has mixed feelings. Working as a physician advocating for woman’s health was challenging but also rewarding. Now, with two small children, she stays at home. She and her husband worried that she would not be able to give her family enough attention and that the stress from work could affect them negatively. Even though she is less stressed than when working, she misses being engaged with her patients, solving medical problems, and, most of all, the vital interaction with her colleagues. (2)

There are positive and negative effects to being a trad wife (3). "Trad wife," short for "traditional wife," refers to a woman who embraces traditional gender roles, often adhering to the domestic lifestyle of a housewife. This lifestyle typically includes responsibilities such as homemaking, cooking, child-rearing, and supporting her husband as the breadwinner of the family. The concept of a "trad wife" is rooted in traditional, often conservative, values through which the wife is seen as caretaker of the home and family while the husband takes on the role of provider.

When a woman embraces this role and finds that it aligns with her personal values and beliefs, it can lead to a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Such women may find meaning in nurturing their families and managing their households. Some trad wives report that they are relieved to not be balancing household and work outside the home. (4)

The trad-wife movement has gained some attention online, where proponents celebrate the return to traditional roles, often in contrast to modern feminist ideals. Critics, however, argue that the lifestyle can be limiting and may reinforce outdated gender stereotypes. (5)

For example, relying on a spouse for financial support can create feelings of dependency and vulnerability. If the marital relationship faces difficulties, a trad wife might experience anxiety about her financial security. A woman who does not have access to her own money might lack self-esteem and sense of independence. Some trad wives feel stifled in their personal development, in their education, or personal creative or career opportunities. If there is a high expectation to fulfill a traditional gender role, the trad wife might experience inadequacy and low self-esteem. (6)

The trad-wife role can be isolating, particularly if a woman is cut off from external social circles and work environments. The lack of interaction with peers outside the home can lead to feelings of loneliness and alienation.

Such feelings can lead to additional negative psychological effects, particularly if the choice of lifestyle is driven by external pressures. Women who take on the role of a trad wife may experience a loss of personal identity, as their lives become heavily centered around their husband and children. They may experience a diminished sense of self, their worth is tied solely to their role in the family. They might find it increasingly difficult to stand up for themselves, and mental health issues might be exacerbated by a husband’s or extended families’ collusion with traditional expectations and judgments.

The pressures of maintaining a perfect home, being a flawless wife and mother, and living up to traditional standards can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. On an intrapsychic level, trad wives might feel less confident in themselves and might judge themselves as less than others. They might anxiously criticize and observe their own performance as wives and mothers and may even compare the quality and quantity of their performance to that of other women.

Sometimes, being a trad wife seems alluring, or it's a conscious and free choice when a woman gets married at 25 or 30 years of age. But over time the marital relationship might change. Slowly and insidiously, as circumstances change over time, a woman might lose confidence in herself. She may worry more about her appearance as a happy homemaker, and she may feel de-skilled and sidelined from working life, not knowing how to find her way back into mainstream, working society.

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For many years Nancy, the wife of a wealthy lawyer, gave up her job as a teacher to be a trad wife. She assumed the role of backstage support for her husband’s career and social event manager for the family's position in the community. “Everything has changed,” she sighs. Once confident in herself, she has become anxious and meek.

Even though she privately maintains vastly different opinions from her husband on how to bring up their two sons, Nancy keeps her opinions to herself. When asked, she admits to feeling intimidated by her husband. “I do not want to disturb the peace.” She confides, “Where would I go? I have nothing else in life than supporting this family.” Financial and emotional dependence on a spouse can create a power imbalance in the relationship. Dependency can make it difficult for a woman to leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship, leading to feelings of helplessness and entrapment. 7).

While some women may find fulfillment in the trad wife role, it's important to recognize that it is not without potential psychological risks. The key is ensuring that the decision to adopt the lifestyle is genuinely voluntary and informed, and that there is adequate support to address any negative consequences that may arise.