How to Overcome Self-Criticism and Perfectionism

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Published in Personality and Individual Differences, a recent study by Powers and colleagues suggests autonomy support reduces the impact of self-criticism on depression.

Let’s begin by defining self-criticism.

Self-criticism refers to a harsh negative evaluation of the self either for failing to live up to some standard or to prevent future failure and loss of approval. It is often associated with feelings of incompetence, worthlessness, guilt, shame, and lack of self-compassion.

Self-criticism has been linked with personal difficulties, interpersonal problems, and mental illness (particularly depression).

Self-critical people tend to make their lives more stressful in part due to the way they interact with the environment or interpret events. For instance, they may misinterpret an innocent comment as critical and, therefore, react aggressively, provoking hostility in the other person and creating a vicious cycle of anger and destructive behavior.

Similarly, self-critical individuals might misinterpret stressful events in ways that overwhelm them (e.g., by catastrophizing), resulting in powerlessness and depression.

That is why self-criticism tends to increase depression (especially in people who lack social support).

Autonomy Support Prevents the Development of Depression in Self-Critics

As described below, the relationship between self-criticism, social support, and depression was examined prospectively over nine months by Powers et al. Note this period included the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Sample: 283 college students; 83 percent female; the average age of 21; 46 percent white, and 38% Asian descent.

Methods: Self-criticism, autonomy support, and depression were measured at multiple points during the nearly year-long study.

Measures

• Self-criticism: Six items. For instance, “I have a tendency to be very self-critical.” And “There is a significant gap between who I am today and who I would like to be.”
• Support: Seven items. Participants were instructed to think of a helpful friend or family member and indicate whether he or she had provided directive support (e.g., “This person likes to provide encouragement and guidance for how I can reach my goals”) or autonomy support (e.g., “I feel this person understands how I see things with respect to my goal”).
• Depressive symptoms: Ten items. For example, “I was bothered by things that usually don’t bother me.”

Analysis of data showed:

Self-criticism was associated with depression. This suggests that self-judgment heightens vulnerability to mood disorders.

Only autonomy support (i.e., not directive support) was associated with lower depression. For instance, participants who were self-critical but had greater autonomy support before the COVID-19 pandemic reported fewer mood symptoms during the pandemic.

High (not low or moderate) autonomy support buffered the impact of self-criticism on the development of depressive symptoms.

Based on these results and research on the treatment of perfectionism, here are a few tips on managing the inner critic in yourself and others, including your romantic partner. Let's begin with you.

Are you self-critical?

Here are some examples of self-critical tendencies:

• Harsh self-talk
• Ruminating about failures
• Preoccupation with others’ judgments
• Feeling that you are defective at the core
• Excessively high standards and perfectionism

If you engage in harsh self-criticism frequently and experience guilt and shame when you fail to live up to excessively high expectations, you may need help managing the inner critical voice. One effective approach involves psychotherapy.

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Various modalities, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), can give you the tools to tame the inner critic.

Psychotherapy can teach you to pursue ambitious yet realistic goals, which means replacing perfection with excellencism.

Research shows excellencism, unlike perfectionism, is associated with positive mental health and well-being.

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Seeking excellence may require not only challenging self-critical beliefs (e.g., black-or-white thinking, self-blame, “shoulding”) but also developing self-acceptance and self-compassion and using more effective problem-solving strategies.

Is your romantic partner self-critical?

As the research reviewed suggests, if you have a perfectionist and self-critical romantic partner or friend, a useful way to help them feel less depressed and ashamed is to provide autonomy support.

Autonomy support involves:

• Acknowledging the person’s feelings and views.
• Facilitating choices.
• Motivating self-initiated behavior.

Be careful that autonomy support does not turn into directive “controlling support,” such as pressuring your spouse to do what you believe is right.

Even if they seem depressed, you may recommend that they seek professional help, but do not pressure them. Simply support their psychological freedom so they feel empowered, capable of exercising choice, and responsible for directing their life.

Autonomy support can really make a big difference. It facilitates fulfilling one’s potential, succeeding in life, and being happy and at peace with who one is—to the dismay of the inner perfectionist and critical voice.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.