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It’s far too easy today for parents and children alike to become absorbed in their screens. We scroll, we tap, we swipe, all while missing out on the moments that should be knitting our families together. If you’re an educator, parent, or mental health professional, it’s time to confront a critical question: How is our connection with technology affecting our children?
Think back to your own childhood. Meals were more than sustenance; they were about connection, conversation, and, probably, some bickering. But today, many children eat while glued to a device. They’re not paying attention to the food they consume—and are missing out on the texture, aroma, and flavor of each bite.
This behavior, particularly when established at a young age, can have lifelong repercussions. Children who routinely eat while distracted may struggle with the concept of eating "alone" or develop disordered eating habits, such as overeating or emotional eating. They can lose the opportunity to connect with their bodies and gauge their hunger signals. Instead of eating being an enjoyable, mindful experience, it turns into another task to check off the list while scrolling or tapping away. We need to remember that meals should represent a time to gather together, share the highs and lows of our day, and create lasting memories.
The Conversations We’re Missing
Eating meals together as a family while engaging in conversations can be a vital practice for children. In our family, we made it a habit to share the highs and lows of our day during dinner. Not only did this spark laughter, but it also taught our children the art of patience—an essential life skill. They learned to listen actively, take turns talking and listening, learning to process their thoughts and feelings while engaging in meaningful dialogue with others.
When children spend time on devices instead of engaging with their families, they miss out on learning critical social skills. This can result in children struggling to read other’s facial expressions, understand someone’s tone of voice, and even develop the manners necessary for interacting with others. These lessons are foundational for cultivating relationships throughout their lives.
The Mindless Meal
When children consume their meal or snacks while their eyes are fixed on a screen, they miss out on essential experiences. Mindfulness in eating allows children to engage with their food—appreciating its texture, aroma, and taste. They miss out on experiencing how it feels to anticipate how something will taste and feel on their tongue, a significant part of the meal experience. This lack of engagement can lead to a myriad of issues later in life:
- Disordered Eating: Without developing the ability to be present while eating, children may develop unhealthy habits such as overeating, eating mostly unhealthy foods or emotional eating.
- Social Skills: Meals should be a time to connect, fostering connection but taught children the intricacies of conversation, empathy, and patience.
When children are more focused on what’s happening online than the conversations around them, they miss crucial lessons in social interaction. They need to learn that being involved doesn’t mean they must always be the center of attention.
When kids are plugged into their devices, they miss out on the art of conversation. Engaging in discussions with family teaches invaluable life skills, including patience, empathy, and the ability to read facial expressions. When children only focus on screens, they disconnect from the world around them. They miss the subtle cues that come with human interaction and lose the ability to engage with others meaningfully.
What are kids really doing when they’re connected to their devices? Are they following positive role models on TikTok, or are they consuming harmful content? Also, the physical impact of excessive screen time cannot be ignored: Prolonged exposure may strain their eyes and ears, especially if they use earbuds or playing games loudly.
The Screen-Time Dilemma
As my husband and I settled in for a restaurant dinner, our attention was drawn to a scene unfolding at an adjacent table: A father accompanied by his two young children, aged around 6 and 8, took their seats. In a synchronized motion, the children swiftly retrieved their iPads, immersing themselves in digital realms of games and entertainment. Not to be left out, the father reached for his phone, his gaze fixated on the glowing screen before him. An atmosphere devoid of eye contact or conversation enveloped their table as the children's meals were ordered and promptly arrived. With heads bowed over their devices, the kids mechanically consumed their food, oblivious to their surroundings.
Reflecting on this encounter through the lens of my professional training, the message resonated clearly: Put down the devices. Connect. Communicate. Your children will undoubtedly appreciate it, if not now, then in the future.
The Parental Responsibility
Parents have a responsibility to raise kind, empathetic, and responsible young people. The stakes are high, and neglect of this responsibility can lead to severe consequences. Start to turn things around with these steps:
1. Create a Job Description. Define your role as a parent and your child's role in the family. This includes setting boundaries around technology use.
2. Establish a Family Contract. When you give your child a device, draft a contract detailing usage rules:
- Limit screen time each day.
- Devices must be charged outside children's bedrooms.
- Phones cannot be used as alarm clocks.
- Monitor children's social media activity and gaming content.
3. Reclaim Family Time. Encourage family meals, outdoor activities, and reading books together instead of hiding in separate rooms with devices.
Take Action
The message is clear: Today’s children are unhappy, lonely, and feeling isolated. It’s time to take action. These steps could help:
- Hold Family Meetings. Set aside time each week to discuss family dynamics and ensure everyone is heard.
- Assign Chores. Encourage responsibility and teamwork by giving kids specific tasks and jobs around the house.
As a therapist with over 30 years of experience, I see the impact of this disconnection in children who are lonely, less resilient, and more hesitant to tackle challenges that require effort or physical activity. We are failing our kids by allowing them to retreat into a digital world. It’s time to put down the phone and start meaningful conversations. Together, we can create a loving, connected family environment that fosters growth, happiness, and resilience in children.
