Emotional Metal Detector: How We Think Informs How We Feel

One of the aspects of mental health we focus on in talk therapy is how we think. We each have a way of thinking about ourselves that is established at an early age and has become so ingrained that we don’t recognize how much it affects our lives. Therapeutic modalities like cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) can help us reframe the way we think and allow us to feel differently about things. Our thoughts influence, affect, and can even control our feelings. This concept is expressed through a parable about a metal detector.

Once upon a time, a person lived by the beach, and every day they walked up and down with a metal detector, looking for treasure. This person was determined, lugging the metal detector up and down the beach all day long. Unfortunately, this person never found any treasure. They only found trash. Plastic bags, bottles, cans, cheap broken watches, empty wallets, lone flip flops, broken sunglasses, all the kinds of trash one could find at the beach.

This person was disappointed and frustrated but never gave up. Even though they only found trash, they continued to show up every day. Other people came and went, spending time at the beach without looking for buried treasure. Some went in the morning, some in the afternoon, and some in the evening, all enjoying their time there according to their personal preferences. Some of them noticed the person with the metal detector, but most paid them no mind.

One day this person got so frustrated with only finding trash that they gave up and started to cry. It started slowly at first but then grew in intensity. It was an intense release of emotions, and after a few minutes of this, the crying gave way to anger, and the person yelled in frustration, throwing the metal detector down and giving it a kick.

After this outburst, the person felt better and picked up the metal detector again, ready to continue the search. They noticed something on the control panel: It was set to the “find trash” setting. So this person adjusted the dial instead to the “find treasure” setting and then started to walk up and down the beach again.

This time the results were different. This person began to find treasure: a gold ring, a silver necklace, a fancy watch, a wallet. There weren’t as many treasures as trash, but the person was thrilled to finally find something good. Something positive. It was as if all the bad times finding only trash had never even happened. Life was good. They had finally figured out how to be happy!

The next day the person came to the beach again, excited to find more treasure, but right off the bat found only trash. This person grew more and more frustrated as the day went on. They didn’t notice that the dial on the metal detector had gotten turned back to the trash setting. However, they never thought about checking the control panel.

They had completely forgotten about it. It was as if the big discovery from the day before had never happened. They just resumed walking up and down the beach, finding nothing but trash and stewing in the familiar frustration.

Towards the end of the day, there was a beautiful sunset. The people at the beach all noticed and enjoyed it, but our person was so frustrated after another day of finding only trash they didn’t notice the beautiful sunset. They were completely focused on how depressed and disappointed they felt.

They sat down on a bench, feeling as lonely and hopeless as ever. That’s when one of the beachgoers walked over and asked about the control panel on the metal detector. The person’s eyes lit up as they remembered what had happened the previous day, and as they turned the dial back to the treasure setting, they immediately felt better, like a weight was lifted off their shoulders.

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Then they looked up and noticed the sunset and the people around them watching it. So instead of going out to search for treasure, our person sat on the bench with the helpful beachgoer, watching the sunset, enjoying the moment.

As the sun set, our treasure-hunting person vowed to always remember to check and ensure the metal detector was set to detect treasure. Life would be so easy if they could just remember to do that! And so, in the future, this person kept coming back to the beach every day, sometimes finding trash and sometimes finding treasure.

Sometimes after a long streak of finding only trash, the person would remember to check the settings on the metal detector, turn the dial back to the correct setting, and then go on a streak of finding treasure. In this way, the person lived the rest of their life happier than they had been before.

What do the figures in this parable represent? The metal detector represents your mind, and the treasure and the trash are good and bad feelings. Some peoples’ minds seem set to only focus on the negatives, to always find the bad thoughts and feelings (trash) about any situation. Their minds are stuck on the trash setting just like the metal detector, focusing on the negative, ignoring the positive feelings, the things in life to be proud of and feel good about (treasure).

That friendly beachgoer who pointed out to the person that the dial had flipped back to the trash setting? That person is a therapist. Or a friend. Or a family member. Anyone close enough to the person to point out the good things in their life. Who can dig deeper and ask questions about why we’re feeling what we’re feeling. Someone who can pull the person out of their tunnel vision point of view so focused on the negative and remind them of the treasure all around them.

Some people don’t have this problem. This self-defeating focus on negativity. For whatever reason, they can go through life not only without finding any trash but without spending any time looking for it. They don’t even have a metal detector! For them, the treasure (good feelings) is all around them, easily found and enjoyed, just like a sunset at the beach.

For those of us who focus on the negative, these people seem “normal” to us, making us feel less-than-normal, separate, and different. But in those moments when we can allow ourselves to look up and notice the sunset, we feel like one of the crowd, like a member of the group, like we’re “normal.”

Some people go through life with their metal detectors always set on trash. They’re unable to see the treasure. Sometimes they’re so invested in this process that when other people point out that their metal detector is on the wrong setting, they refuse to acknowledge it. You are not like this, however. You know that you have the power to turn your dial to the desired setting and notice the treasure all around you.

And even when you’re finding only trash, you still know the treasure is out there, waiting to be found. Your life is like the beach in this story. It’s a beautiful place meant to be enjoyed, but you must give yourself the freedom to do so.

Remember to make sure your emotional metal detector is on the right setting!