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If you’ve got clutter in your home, you know that those old wooden tennis rackets and Grandma’s bric-a-brac won’t disappear by themselves. You’ve got to make time to go through all that stuff, and purge.
The same is true for emotions that hang around after they should have expired.
Emotions don’t go away just because the original situation that caused them has ended.
In the Chinese art of feng shui, which involves the harmonious placement of objects in your home, it’s said that all your belongings are energetically tied to you. That’s why we feel oppressed in a cluttered space.
Old emotions drain energy, too. Mostly because it takes effort to ignore or suppress them.
When we’re not paying attention, those sneaky emotions can hijack our behavior. They express themselves in harsh words, impatience, mysterious tears, anxiety, depression, etc.
Emotions As Mental Clutter
To let go of old emotions, treat them as mental clutter. Remember that just like physical clutter, they’re there for a reason. None of the outdated clothes in your closet walked in there on their own; you brought them home once upon a time.
Emotions always exist for a reason. They were triggered by something in your life, and until they’ve been fully experienced, they’re still there inside you. Just like clothes in your closet (or in storage), every feeling is there for a reason.
Every object in your home and emotion in your heart has an origin. Accept that your resentment, longing, or loss has a right to be there. To let it go, you’ll need to make a conscious effort.
It’s hard to go through old possessions, especially from other periods of your life, and discard them. Emotions are hard to process as well. To jettison grief, anger, or disappointment, it’s necessary first to feel it.
Feel It to Heal It
Sort through those old feelings with compassion and curiosity. Don’t be mad at yourself for hanging on to them. Maybe you didn’t have the time or energy or will to process them before now. Be proud of yourself for being willing to face them today.
For each feeling that’s still hanging around, see if you can figure out how it came to be there, and why.
Ask yourself some questions.
If you’re angry, what injustices have you suffered?
If you feel resentment towards a person or a situation, how were you taken advantage of, or what did you deserve that you didn’t get?
How much of that sadness you’re carrying belongs to you, as opposed to your parents or grandparents?
What opportunities were missed, and which relationships ended too soon? These may have created regrets.
Things you’ve lost that you’ll never get back may have left a shadow of grief.
Who hurt you so badly that your ability to trust anyone was affected?
If you feel a nameless longing, what part(s) of yourself have been neglected?
Clear emotional clutter by asking these kinds of questions, with kindness. If you like, do this with a caring friend or therapist. You may need help to honor those old feelings because when you touch them again, they will touch you back.
The very act of communing with old feelings (preferably with support), just like the act of intentionally and mindfully sorting through physical things, can effectively send them on their way.
References
For much more on how to “sit with” and “process” emotions, see my book, Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them.
