Is Code Switching a Form of People Pleasing?

I’m a people pleaser, which makes me a dishonest person. This admission is a jarring contradiction for a therapist, yet it is an inescapable truth. I’ve spent years guiding others toward authenticity and emotional health, all the while masking my own struggles behind a veneer of affability and accommodation.

The roots of my people-pleasing tendencies are deeply intertwined with my experiences as a Black woman. Growing up, I learned that compliance and agreeableness were often necessary for survival and acceptance in both personal and professional spaces. This behavior, while socially rewarded, has significantly impacted my mental and emotional well-being.

Code-switching, a common strategy for navigating different social contexts, is essentially a sophisticated form of people-pleasing. Within communities of color, it can be particularly pronounced due to the pressures of systemic racism and cultural expectations. I often found myself adapting my behavior to shield myself from the harshest realities of racial bias. This was not merely about being liked, but about navigating a society that frequently undervalues Black voices.

Code switching can be like hiding in plain sight or the shadows, allowing individuals to blend seamlessly into different social and cultural environments while maintaining their own identity and preserving a sense of safety.

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Code-switching is a form of people-pleasing deeply embedded in the experiences of many people of color. The concept of code-switching can manifest in various ways; however, I will focus on when a person of color modifies their behavior, dialect, speech, appearance, etc. to fit into the dominant culture. Like when a person of color changes their speech patterns to sound more "white." Or adopting Western names or altering the pronunciation of ethnic names to be more palatable. Even adjusting one’s dress or mannerisms to fit in more seamlessly in professional or academic settings. Code-switching is, at its core, a form of people-pleasing, a way to avoid conflict and gain acceptance.

While code-switching can be viewed as a valuable skill to have, many people of color align with the dominant culture, often to avoid negative judgments, discrimination, or violence. Historically, Black people in the United States have used code-switching as a survival mechanism. During eras of blatant racial violence and systemic discrimination, adopting the speech and mannerisms of the dominant white culture could mean the difference between life and death. This legacy of code-switching for physical safety persists today as people of color navigate spaces where racial biases and prejudices still thrive.

In professional and academic environments, many people of color continue to code-switch due to a lack of psychological safety. They often face discrimination and judgment, feeling the pressure to conform to white norms to be accepted, respected, or even just to avoid negative consequences. This is a common experience among Black women, who frequently feel the need to downplay aspects of their identity to be perceived as competent and non-threatening (Jones & Shorter-Gooden, 2003).

While this strategy can provide temporary psychological safety, shielding individuals from overt racism and microaggressions, it ultimately causes harm. Research highlights that the psychological toll of code-switching includes feelings of inauthenticity, imposter syndrome, and burnout (Harvard Business Review, 2019). This dissonance can undermine one’s sense of self, perpetuate people-pleasing behaviors, and contribute to persistent stress and anxiety.

To begin to address this form of people-pleasing, individuals need to embark on a journey of self-exploration. The first step is acknowledging the practice without judgment. Navigating predominantly white, professional spaces as a person of color often necessitates a complex balancing act between authenticity and safety. The choice to code-switch can be a strategic move for success and self-preservation in environments where psychological safety is compromised.

It is crucial to recognize that code-switching, while sometimes necessary, is not reflective of one's true self or full worth. It is important to balance these "unsafe" spaces with environments where one's authenticity is accepted and valued. Engaging with communities and individuals who embrace all aspects of your identity fosters psychological resilience and mitigates the harmful effects of constant adaptation.

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To exercise authenticity without jeopardizing professional careers and psychological safety, individuals can employ several strategies. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can help address the parts of oneself that feel compelled to conform, promoting self-compassion and integration of these parts into a more cohesive whole (Schwartz, 1995).

Mindfulness practices can also play a supportive role. By cultivating present-moment awareness, individuals can become more attuned to their authentic feelings and needs, reducing the automatic impulse to code-switch in response to external pressures (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). Mindfulness practices can enhance self-awareness and present-moment living

Art therapy can provide a powerful outlet for self-expression and identity exploration. Through creative processes, individuals can explore and express the complexities of their experiences and identities, fostering a deeper connection with their true selves. Art therapy should only be conducted by a trained and certified art therapist to ensure its effectiveness and safety. I encourage anyone struggling with similar issues to find a qualified art therapist or to begin their own creative process as a form of self-exploration and healing.

Finally, finding supportive communities and mentors who value and affirm one’s authentic self can provide the encouragement and validation needed to break free from the cycle of code-switching and people-pleasing. Such support networks can reinforce the belief that one's true self is not only acceptable but worthy and valuable.

Ultimately, it is essential to acknowledge that the act of code-switching is a valid response to systemic inequities. Yet, it is equally important to create and seek out spaces where one's full, authentic self can thrive. This dual approach not only preserves professional viability but also nurtures psychological well-being and personal growth. Balancing these dynamics allows for both survival within oppressive systems and the flourishing of true identity.

Code-switching, though a necessary tool for navigating certain environments, often perpetuates a form of dishonesty that can stifle personal authenticity. Recognizing this, I strive to integrate more of my genuine self into all aspects of life, even in spaces where it may feel risky. The journey of embracing authenticity, while still a work in progress, involves continuously reclaiming parts of myself that have been hidden away. This practice, rooted in self-compassion and courage, fosters a more holistic sense of well-being and integrity.