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Extroversion
Your Survival Guide to Holiday Parties
Whether you're an introvert or extrovert, here's how to enjoy the party.
Posted December 13, 2016
With holiday parties upon us, some may be shrieking with delight, while others are shaking in their shoes. Because extroverts tend to gain energy from others, they're more likely to be jolly just thinking about holiday festivities that include lots of people. Introverts, on the other hand, tend to recharge their energy by spending time alone. To them, along with the stress of the holidays, the idea of attending a crowded gathering can be overwhelming.
Your Brain on Parties
This is not about being perfect, but rather "Better Than Perfect." Being Better Than Perfect means you accept yourself for who you are and take steps to optimize what you are doing.
Being an extrovert is not better than being an introvert; being an introvert is not better than being an extrovert. They are just different, and these differences are fueled by the way your brain processes information.
An extrovert’s brain is wired to crave unfamiliar situations, new experiences and taking risks. Their brains are adept at handling multiple sources of stimulation, such as what you may experience at a party (music; crowds; the clamor of numerous, simultaneous conversations).
In contrast, introverts are more sensitive to external stimulation and can easily become overwhelmed. They are more comfortable as observers of events rather than participants. People-watching or a one-on-one conversation off on their own is more enjoyable than jumping into the center of the festivities.
Regardless of which category you find yourself in (and, like many, you may possess characteristics of both), there are steps you can take to enjoy your holiday gatherings. Read on to learn more.
THE RSVP
Introverts
It is better for introverts not to respond “Yes” to too many invitations, because that can be anxiety-producing. And this stress can affect not only their reactions at the party, but also their health, relationships and even work before the party, as anticipatory anxiety increases. So limit the number of parties you attend.
Extroverts
Receiving numerous invitations can be electrifying for extroverts, and they may choose to attend multiple parties on the same night. In fact, it is OK to put in cameo appearances at more than one party on the same night, as long as the party is conducive to that -- cocktail parties, yes; sit-down dinners, no.
BEFORE YOU GO
Introverts
If you are an introvert, it is important to address your stress before the party. Anxiety can increase for introverts as the party gets closer (in psychology, we call this anticipatory anxiety). So make sure you get the sleep, food and peace you need before going to the party. Exercise and meditation are two great ways to reduce stress. In addition, develop a list of topics or questions you can use in case you're not sure what to say at the party. Another tip: Have a mantra about the evening. Rather than filling your head with “This is going to be dreadful,” focus on something else that inspires you such as, “I am looking forward to seeing Mary this evening.”
Extroverts
Extroverts need to make sure they eat something healthy and satiating before a party. Because they can be so chatty, they may forget to eat at the party. They may also want to consider who they most want to spend time with at the party, and focus on making sure they seek out those people. Parties can fly by for an extrovert.
WHEN YOU ARRIVE
Introverts
Focus on one task. You may choose to get something to eat or drink (just be careful if it's alcohol). Having something to hold can help introverts feel more comfortable, without wondering “What should I do with my hands?” In addition, immediately find a familiar face, someone who you know and like. This can reduce anxiety and help you enjoy your evening.
Extroverts
Upon arrival, it is best for the extrovert to find the hostess. Because extroverts are more likely to be the life of the party, it is important to acknowledge and thank the person hosting the party before you start working the crowd. This will help her feel appreciated if/when you steal the attention.
WORKING THE CROWD
Introverts
For introverts, small talk can be as painful as having someone pull off their fingernails. So it is important to have a few strategies in your back pocket if you find yourself stuck in a group focusing on superficial conversations.
One great strategy is to find someone who is off on their own. Because introverts prefer one-on-one interactions, this is a great opportunity to have a conversation with one person.
Assisting at the party can also help with the anxiety. This gives introverts 1. something to do where they feel useful, and 2. a topic of conversation that makes sense (e.g., “Can I get you some more cider?”).
Extroverts
To get the maximum enjoyment out of a party, extroverts love to circulate. And a wonderful component of that circulating is to introduce people to others. This is a great way to feel a sense of contribution to people's happiness (a source of joy for extroverts), as well as a kind thing to do for people who are not as comfortable in social situations as an extrovert. It will also allow you to move on and not get stuck talking to one person for hours (not usually an extrovert’s favorite thing).
MAKING YOUR EXIT
Introverts
It is time for the introvert to leave when she notices that her energy is depleted. It can take a lot of energy for an introvert to be at a party. When it's time to leave, say goodbye to the person you're speaking to, and then find the hostess to express gratitude and let her know you're leaving.
Extroverts
Extroverts need to be mindful of the time and not overstay their welcome. Just because you're having a great time into all hours of the night does not mean the hostess is too. If the invitation has an end time, try to keep (close) to that. And, of course, thank your hostess, making sure you let her know how wonderful her party was (“Those were probably the best crab cakes I have ever tasted!”).
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Don’t focus on being perfect at holiday parties: You are Better Than Perfect. Take the steps that work for you so you can have a truly happy holiday!
