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Key points
- The holidays can make grief more pronounced because many annual traditions are often shared with loved ones.
- People can grieve not only a loved one's death, but also the loss of a spouse or job, for example.
- One helpful strategy for navigating grief during the holidays is to give oneself permission to "do things differently" this year as needed.
By Valerie Crabtree, PhD, and Erica Sirrine, PhD
The “happy holidays” can be the least wonderful time of the year when we are mourning the death of a loved one. Many annual traditions are shared with those we love, making our grief reactions more pronounced.
Grief can also impact us following other losses, including divorce, infertility, unemployment, illness, or strained relationships. We may even mourn significant life changes or events, such as retirement or an empty nest.
Grief is a normal human response to loss and signals the end of something or someone important to us. While we often share common grief reactions, how we process our emotions differs. Our expressions of sorrow are unique to each person, and no two people experience a loss in the same way. Below are a few tips that may help you navigate your grief this holiday season.
- Be patient with yourself and others. The grief process can be exhausting and overwhelming, especially while juggling the demands of the holidays. Simple tasks can require an extraordinary amount of energy and leave you feeling depleted. Be patient with yourself. It’s also important to extend that same compassion and understanding to family members and friends who might process their grief differently.
- Openly communicate your preferences. There may be a holiday tradition you don’t want to continue this year or a new tradition (perhaps to honor your loved one) that you want to begin. Your family members, especially children or adolescents, may also have specific ideas about holiday rituals or how to spend the season, so an honest dialogue can help ensure everyone’s grief is acknowledged. Grant yourself permission to forgo sending holiday cards or decline an invitation if those things feel too taxing this year. Remember, just because you choose to do something different (or the same) this season does not mean you have to repeat it again next year.
- Acknowledge your grief reactions. Families often avoid discussions about loss during the holidays. Yet, it can be helpful to acknowledge that this season may look or feel different because of the loss you’ve experienced. Give yourself permission to experience and express your emotions, including the inevitable waves of grief. You may feel sorrow, anxiety, exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, anger, or regret. However, you may also be surprised by moments of joy, love, or hope.
- Remember your loss. If you experienced the death of a loved one, consider a way to honor or memorialize them during the holiday season. You may want to light a special candle at the table, donate to a charity in your loved one’s memory, prepare their favorite meal, engage in an activity your loved one enjoyed, display a cherished photograph, or create a gift box filled with notes of holiday memories.
- Ask for help. Do you need help decorating your house, buying gifts, or planning a meal? Would you benefit from speaking with a grief counselor or attending a support group? Humans were created for connection. Reaching out to others when life gets challenging, especially when we have experienced a significant loss, is essential.
Whether this is your first, fifth, or tenth holiday season without your loved one, it is important to openly acknowledge your loss and honor your grief at this time. Take time to remember your loved one, including reflecting on the value they brought into your life that you carry forward.
If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
