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Key points
- "Dating for the plot" is when you are willing to risk a bad date for the story that it will generate.
- It is part of a larger trend of being more adventurous and less transactional about things in life.
- "Dating for the plot" can make someone braver, bolder, more experienced, and more open to possibilities.
- It can also waste their and other people's time, effort, and resources and bring some potential risks.
Thinking about going on a date with that person who always wears that squirrel suit? Why not? It could make for a good "tail" to tell later. How about when your Summer fling suggests mixing baked goods and sex? Well, that might take the cake story-wise and add some spice to your life, both literally and figuratively.
Going through with these things might be examples of "dating for the plot," a phrase that's been making the rounds on social media. In this case, however, the plot is the storyline of your life.
Such an approach to dating is about being less goal-directed and transactional and more willing to see what may happen. It's part of a larger trend of "doing it for the plot," where you let experiencing life be more of a driving factor behind daily decisions than always having professional, social, and personal advancement and achievement as a sole focus.
You probably know someone who views dating as something like shopping on Amazon for a ceiling fan. That person has strict criteria as to what a long-term partner should look and act like and will only go on dates with people who match these criteria. When it comes to dating, that person is very focused on getting what they think they want and will just say no to anything that seems to fall outside this narrow orbit. Heck, that person may even be you.
Well, consider "dating for the plot"—the opposite of what such a person would normally do. It's more like going on YouTube and clicking on whatever video appears. When you switch to dating for the plot, you may take more of a "What the heck, might as well try this and see what happens" approach.
Such an approach does have a number of advantages over the do-you-match-my-list approach, such as helping you:
1. Reduce your risk of disappointment on a date
Since you presumably aren't a USB port, chances are low that a given date will present you with your exact fit. Therefore, going on dates solely to find your soul mate, your partner for life, will more often than not leave you quite disappointed. On the other hand, it's a whole lot easier to find someone who will add to your story collection, like when that person says, "I don't do drama" on their dating site profile and, surprise, surprise, actually brings drama to the date.
2. Be more relaxed and have more fun
Less disappointment typically means more fun, assuming that seeking disappointment is not a hobby of yours.
3. Expand your learning opportunities
Dating the same old, same old can be like repeating third grade over and over again. Sure, eventually you will keep acing all the tests. But your opportunities to see new things and expand your knowledge will be limited. Going on a date with someone "different" could expose you to different perspectives in life and help you pick up new interests and hobbies.
4. Become braver and bolder
The more you see out there in the world, the less fear you may have when approaching and trying new things. Once you've gotten through some bad experiences, you realize that you can survive and even thrive after such things. You can more frequently say, "At least the date didn't end up with us in the police station."
5. Become better at dating
More relaxed, braver, bolder, more experienced? These are all positive qualities that can make you even more attractive than holding a fish in a dating profile pic or saying, "I don't like games" in your bio.
6. Be more open to possibilities
Speaking of plots. Remember that movie Yes Man? That Jim Carrey character would have never met that Zooey Deschanel character if he hadn't just started saying "yes" to opportunities. Of course, your life may not follow the plot of a Hollywood movie. It may be less predictable and more interesting.
7. Better understand what is right for you
Speaking of Hollywood movies, are such movies or other types of manufactured entertainment consciously or unconsciously dictating your dating preferences? How do you know what you want, what you really, really want, without trying different things yourself in real life? When you are more open to new possibilities, you could end up being pleasantly surprised.
Of course, on the other hand, simply dating for the plot could bring its share of problems. Being completely undirected could end up wasting a lot of your time, effort, and resources. Treating other people as nothing more than sources of entertainment could end up wasting their time, effort, and resources as well.
You could be seen as flaky and irresponsible. You could also end up hurting people and earning their ire. After all, it's not nice to lead other people on, making them believe that you may see a connection with them when you really don't.
Plus, dating for the plot could bring real risks when done without proper precautions. You don't need to experience everything in life to know what it feels like. Just like you don't need to experience having a cinder block dropped on your head to know that it will suck, you don't need to experience someone saying or doing mean, devious, or bigoted things to you just for the plot. Some red flags are too red to ignore.
So, as with most things in life, the key is moderation and doing what best matches your circumstances. For example, if you are a 20-year-old taking a Margot-Robbie-or-bust or don't-talk-to-me-if-you-don't-have-a-boat approach to dating, then you may want to date more for the plot. Alternatively, if you are much older and have already been with a great diversity of people and know what you want, then maybe, just maybe, dating that openly racist guy simply for the experience isn't the best way to go.
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