12 Ways to Properly Exit a Relationship

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It's easy to behave well at the start of a relationship, whether personal or professional, when everything seems like lollipops and unicorns. The real measure of you as a person, though, is how you behave when leaving the relationship. As the saying goes, how you exit is more important than how you enter.

Exiting a relationship is rarely pretty, making it tempting to take the easy and selfish way out and not care about how the other person feels. However, there are five big reasons why you should make the extra effort to end a relationship gracefully and respectfully:

1. It's the lasting impression that you will leave. No matter how many flowers you bought for the other person, how many times you listened to the same story from that person, how generous you have been with your time and resources, the lasting memory that you'll leave will be about how you exited stage left and made the other person feel in the process.
2. You never know where life will take you and that person. Who knows how that other person may affect your future. Heck, just because you may not be right for each other now doesn't necessarily mean that things won't change later.
3. You might end up "winning." Exiting a relationship in a disrespectful way will only confirm all the bad opinions that the other person has about you. Conversely, showing the proper amount of respect may help the other person someday realize that you are a decent person and that maybe, just maybe, he or she should have treated you differently.
4. You want to prevent escalation. "And then she lit his car on fire," is what a friend once said when describing a mutual friend's break-up. Yeah, whenever fire extinguishers are somehow involved, chances are the break-up did not go well. Don't fuel the flame.
5. It's the right thing to do. This is the most important reason. Show humanity and compassion for the other person. Leaving a relationship can hurt the other person in various ways.

So, how to exit a relationship properly and respectfully? Here are 12 things to do:

1. Do it face-to-face in an appropriate venue. Unless you are in an interdimensional relationship, take the time and effort to meet the other person in person. And don't do it in a place where you can't really hear each other,like a meat-packing plant. That would be a chicken's way out.
2. Fulfill your obligations and promises. If you promised to do something, just do it or at least try to do it, assuming that it isn't something like "never break up with you" or "have sex every day." If you can't fulfill your promises, then try your best to help find alternatives for the person.
3. Don't leave the other person in a tough, vulnerable position. "This relationship isn't working, so bye and good luck on your major surgery this week, your family member's funeral this weekend, or the fire that's currently burning down your house" is not a good look. In fact, it can be cruel in a piling-on type of manner. Instead, take the effort and time to make sure that the other person has a safe landing.
4. Don't keep blaming the other person. Telling the other person how bad he or she is may make you temporarily feel better. But all it may end up doing is convincing that person how nasty you are. Remember, if a relationship hasn't been working out, chances are the other person has his or her gripes about you as well.
5. Admit what you didn't do right. If you think all the blame rests on the other person, then you may have identified a big reason why the relationship didn't work out: you. Well, you and your lack of self-awareness and insight. As they say, it takes two to tango.
6. Be frank and honest. Avoid saying things like "it's me, not you" when you know darn well that you're not exiting the relationship primarily to help the other person. The other person deserves to know the real reason why you are leaving.
7. Avoid using clichés. Relying on a hackneyed line such as "I'm sorry it didn't work out, best of luck" can make the other person feel like the other end of social media post. Might as well add a hashtag to it: #coldcoldheart. Clichés can come across as cold and contrived, conveying that you didn't take the time and effort to come up with something more personal.
8. Do not expect anything from the other person. Remember, once you have initiated a breakup, that person no longer has any obligations towards you. Your hitting the breakup button signals that you are not willing to do what it may take to maintain the relationship. Don't expect the other person to answer your probing questions, keep giving you housing, or somehow entertain you.
9. Don't wait for the other person to ask you whether you are going to leave. If you are about to make a move that will effectively end a relationship, tell the other person first before doing so. That person shouldn't have to ask you or find out from others, say, on TikTok.
10. Don't brag about yourself or try to make the person miss you. Telling the other person something like "Good luck finding someone as good as me" on your way out is effectively rubbing dirt in the wounds that you have just caused. That, in turn, could leave that person thinking, "Yeah, I'd like to find someone who wouldn't try to kick me while I am down."
11. Don't expect the other person to chase after you. Don't ever use a breakup as a threat or a way of gaining leverage in a relationship. Once you initiate leaving in any way, you are showing that you are a flight risk and not loyal to the relationship. Any self-respecting person is not going to grovel after being dumped. If you later do want to somehow reverse the breakup, it will be all on you.
12. Don't make it all about you. Show compassion. If you can't see how your leaving may negatively affect the other person, then perhaps you have unearthed one central reason why your relationship didn't end up working out: too much self-centeredness on your part.

All in all, when ending things, take the long view. Don't do anything that you may end up regretting in the future. Remember what you may be leaving behind when you leave a relationship.

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