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Key points
- A survey found consumer discontent is at an all-time high—74% of respondents having a problem with services.
- Outbursts and upset are often triggered by vulnerability.
- Powerful tools like mindfulness practices, with deep breathing, can calm you down.
These days, the world can feel like a disappointing, frustrating, and uncaring place. In the aftermath of the pandemic, daily reports of frustrated consumers melting down, and publicly lashing out at others have become the norm. Bad behavior abounds, in stores, in the skies, and on the streets.
Mounting rage and bad behavior
According to the latest National Customer Rage Survey conducted by Customer Care Measurement & Consulting, with the W.P. Carey School of Business at Arizona State University, consumer rage and discontent, are at an all-time high, with a whopping 74 percent of respondents reporting that they experienced a problem with a product or service in the past year.
Road rage is currently of major concern for nine out of ten drivers, according to the AAA Foundation for traffic safety. According to a recent article in The Guardian, women’s rage—once a taboo—is now on the rise. And a recent Los Angeles Times article reports that people are behaving increasingly aggressively, lashing out, and unloading their frustration on others.
All this bad behavior is contagious. According to social learning theory (also known as social cognitive theory), we learn and mimic the behavior of those around us. We must understand what lies beneath our rage and the rage of others, to understand and respond more compassionately and effectively.
What lies beneath this troubling trend
In Explaining Intense Episodes of Rage, a 2021 article in Psychology Today, author and rage researcher Ryan Martin, Ph.D., theorizes that rage occurs when people feel vulnerable: “Vulnerability encourages them to work overtime to try and rationalize their position—sometimes irrational positions—that got them there in the first place.”
In the current social climate of discontent and dissatisfaction, we must build awareness, resilience, and strategies to help us manage our emotions and reactions ,so that we can respond rather than react in challenging exchanges and situations.
Setting an intention to become aware and prepared
When someone demonstrates their rage by challenging us, treating us unfairly, or unkindly, when they disrespect or dismiss us, it is natural that we would feel threatened, and vulnerable, and react defensively. But herein lies the problem with this natural response: When we respond in kind to aggressive, enraged behaviors, the exchange could escalate and take a turn for the worse.
Here is where preparing for such scenarios can help de-escalate rather than intensify a conflict. When we choose to work on ourselves, we can develop our ability to conduct ourselves with compassion and de-escalate, rather than add fuel to a fraught situation.
We can set an intention, and develop a toolkit to deal with difficult people. We can work on developing the ability to regulate our responses to conflict by building awareness of our emotions and responding with greater compassion—both for others and for ourselves. Powerful tools like mindfulness practices, with deep breathing that engages the parasympathetic nervous system, can calm us down, enable us to connect with our feelings in moments of stress and uncertainty, and respond with compassion in the moment, rather than judge, label, and react to perceived threats. When we respond with compassion to others — especially in challenging situations — we elevate the tone of the exchange, rather than add fuel to the flames of a conflict.
In a calm state of mind, we can bring calming tools to help regulate our emotions and reactions. For example, the thought, "this is a moment in time, and this moment will pass," is a powerful reminder that can help take the edge off of a stressful moment. We can bring awareness to our bodies, relax our posture, lower our shoulders, and release tension in the neck. In a calm state of mind, we can listen to others and react with compassion and kindness.
The ripple effect of being the change you want to see
When we develop the skills to behave compassionately and treat others with respect and kindness, we are modeling compassionate and adaptive behavior. And when we do this, we are being the change we would like to see in the world. When we can demonstrate a healthier response, with a more positive outcome, we are creating the ripple effect by inspiring others—to do better, feel better, and behave with compassion, and kindness.
BOLDLY calm down
The BOLD method of dealing with difficult people and situations employs valuable skillsets that allow us to de-escalate, rather than intensify conflicts, and be the change we want to see in the world:
- Bring awareness to your feelings in moments of stress
- Open up your lungs: breathe deeply, and connect to your highest and best self
- Lean in: to your commitment to do better, for others and yourself
- Demonstrate: and this commitment with a kinder, more compassionate response
