Advice: Marie Antoinette Meets Texting

My fiancé is a wonderful man, and we have a happy life together. But there is one big thing we can't seem to reach an agreement on. He thinks it's normal that, when I'm speaking to him, he can text on his cell phone, do stuff on the computer, or play his guitar. He thinks that's just the way the communication has evolved in our society, and that he's perfectly capable of doing any of these things while attentively listening. But I feel unimportant, not special, and not very loved. I feel like shutting down. When I ask him to please look at me when I speak to him, he insists I am displaying a "Marie Antoinette attitude" and demanding the world to stop what it is doing just to "drink my words." I am having a hard time accepting this.

Do we need to drag out the studies showing that he's deceiving himself? The thing about multitasking is that it breeds overconfidence in one's capacities. And passively listening, to whatever degree he's hearing the words that you utter, is hardly the same as being engaged in a conversation, which is a fairly minimum requirement for intimate relationships—any relationships. Remind Textboy that personal relationships are "personal" for a reason—they demand that personal touch. Attention is the currency of relationships. If he can't give that, what else is there? Of course you feel like shutting down when you're not getting it. By not paying attention to you when you're talking, he is communicating plenty—that you're not as important as his cell phone or his guitar. Then there's the fact that there's much more to communication than hearing some words; a great deal of information is transmitted nonverbally. I doubt whether Textboy would be so keen on texting if his boss asked him to come in for a chat. Looking someone in the eye is the primary path to being understood, and to do less than that is uncivil and disrespectful. That's the core problem—the disrespect. That's why it hurts and prompts you to shut down. The next time he wants to talk to you, be sure to have your cell phone handy and get busy with it, without explanation. A dose of his own disrespect might speak louder than your words.