4 Ways to Help the Helpers

Almost four years have passed since the devastating Montecito Debris Flow, a natural disaster that took the lives of 23 people without warning. It happened in the middle of the night. Like many others, I woke up in complete shock upon finding out that a whole section of my community was decimated beyond recognition. A sudden and extreme weather pattern, following a long and widespread wildfire, caused so much rain in a short period, that it sent an overpowering river of mud, trees, giant boulders, and everything else in its way hurtling down the mountain. The mud swept up cars and smashed through and across homes. In the aftermath, nothing made sense. Everyone was shaken beyond belief.

Raising Our Light: 2021 Remembrance Event of the Montecito 1/9 Debris Flow.

Source: Maryam Kia-Keating

But in that moment of crisis, there were still people who took action and offered their assistance. Some instinctively moved towards the tragedy, instead of away from it. For some, the call was professional: first responders, healthcare workers, disaster relief, and others who devote their lives to the service of others. For others, it was a personal calling, in the moment. There were helpers willing to shoulder someone grieving, or just to pick up a bucket and a shovel and to start digging.

Psychological science studies this response as empathy, compassion, prosocial behavior, or altruism. Interestingly, some research has found that your own past experiences of adversity and suffering can lead you to higher levels of empathy and active efforts to help others. Acting compassionately can provide meaning and sense of purpose. But it is also a big task to take on others’ pain and a heavy burden to experience others’ traumatic events vicariously.

Helping Others Can Take a Toll

In the months after the event, I spent time with healthcare workers who had received patients in the middle of the night. Patients arrived with every pore of their bodies filled with mud, haunted by their own near-death experiences and terror for their loved ones. Frontline providers shared the overwhelming intensity of the human despair that they encountered, and the difficulty of managing their own emotions, while bearing the responsibility of assisting others.

Now, here we are at the start of the third year of the global pandemic. Our frontline helpers, including healthcare workers, nurses, and mental health professionals, are facing the risk of experiencing high levels of burnout. Mental health symptoms such as anxiety, depression, insomnia, and overall distress are widespread. We are pandemic-fatigued and unthinkably stressed. The World Health Organization and others have identified the dangers of a global mental health crisis that has only become exacerbated by the pandemic. As a society, we have to prioritize the well-being of those people who take care of our most vulnerable members.

On January 3, 2022, the subject of Humans of New York’s Instagram post described his wife Heather’s altruism along with the burnout that can beset even the most giving of people. His words ring true: “There’s only so much a person can give without getting back until they say: ‘Why am I still doing this?’ There’s a lot of Heathers out there. And whenever someone like that loses their spirit, we all lose.” Indeed, if one of our frontline health workers loses their spirit, we all lose.

We All Need to Do Our Part to Help the Helpers

It is incumbent upon all of us to take action and to help the helpers. Here are four simple ways to start:

1. Help them keep faith in the goodness of the world. Having a sense that you are supported and cared for plays a fundamental role in preventing burnout. Even better, being kind increases your own happiness. Perform a small random act of kindness for a helper, such as paying for their coffee, taking care of an errand for them, or surprising them with flowers.
2. Acknowledge their efforts. Feeling appreciated by the community acts to buffer the negative effects of all the stressful aspects of being a helper. It makes the hard work and dedication feel worth it, in the face of all the challenges. Tell a helper how much you appreciate what they are doing. A social media post is a start, and a personal letter or conversation is even better.
3. Create space for them to take space. Mindfulness and meditation can play a role in reducing burnout and emotional exhaustion for healthcare professionals. Accessing and having time to engage in mindfulness is impacted by workplace cultures, resources, and loved ones’ support and encouragement.
4. Pick up a bucket. Mr. Rogers has a quote that has become popular to repost in times of tragedy: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” As a psychologist and an educator, I wonder whether we can go a step further from looking for helpers, but also becoming them and raising them. How can we increase the number of people and businesses who take altruistic action for others’ benefit? How do we support that kind of compassion to grow in our next generation, and to continue? A good start is to find a way to help out. Volunteer a little time. See who needs help and take care of it yourself, instead of waiting for someone else to show up. Teach your children to do the same. If we all do our part, the world will be a better place.