Why Ditching Fat Talk and Old Talk Is Good for Your Health

Clip Art/Kimberly Key

“I was four or five years old when it happened. I was running in and out of the waves at the beach when my mom called me over to her and told me to stand sideways. She tutted me and then said that I would look so much better if I could just lose my belly. I felt horrible.”

“My mom was always talking about weight. She’d say she was too fat. I was too fat. My sisters were too fat. Then she would say it was our curse and make a huge meal while encouraging us to eat every bite. Eating together was both fun and stressful because we were never free from the inner prison warden constantly criticizing our weight.”

“My mom still comments on my weight. It is the first thing she talks about when I see her. It is exhausting, and I find myself avoiding her even though I know she’s older, alone, and needs me more than ever.”

These are just some of the comments I have heard. Similar accounts are repeated in my office and among friends—with mothers bearing the brunt of the blame for causing eating disorders and body dissatisfaction (among other things). However, society at large may be equally or more to blame when it comes to the detrimental consequences of fat talk and old talk.

Fat talk is ubiquitous and even in the common joke, “Does this dress make me look fat?”

Old talk is fat talk’s older sibling. Pun intended. It tends to occur when people get older. Or in younger people afraid of getting older. An example that comes to mind is a scene from the show Couplings (the British version of Friends) where the stars of the show are attending a funeral for an older person. One woman is looking around in shock at all of the older people and repeatedly putting on her neck cream (in proper upward strokes, of course).

While we may laugh at fat talk and old talk, there are more serious mental health risks.

In a study by Arroyo and Andersen (2016), researchers examined the effects of fat talk and old talk on mothers and daughters to find how mothers’ narratives around weight and aging impacted their daughters and vice versa. They were specifically measuring the use of fat and old talk, body surveillance (that hypervigilant body assessment), body dissatisfaction, drive for thinness, bulimic tendencies (which can include thinking about or succumbing to binge eating and sometimes followed by purging), and self-esteem.

Some of the findings may not be surprising. For instance, engaging in more fat talk and old talk can reveal a person’s issues with their body image. Mothers’ fat talk also appeared to affect daughters’ bulimic tendencies, and their old talk tended to relate to daughters' body dissatisfaction.

Mothers serve as role models of behavior, and their narratives influence their children. The problem is that mothers and daughters live in the same broader culture that objectifies women’s bodies and perpetuates a woman’s self-objectification. Moreover, the fat talk and old talk get reinforced with friends, romantic relationships, and all forms of media.

I know I have been guilty of fat talk and old talk (now that I am getting older). I also see it in the media where young people are afraid to get older. In a recent New York Times opinion piece, Jessica Grose described succumbing to Botox. She felt the pressure to look younger from the growing use of video stories reinforced by younger audiences whose news preferences have been shaped by the TikTok phenomenon.

As for the cultural obsession with body appearance, three of the top five New Year’s resolutions for 2024 were body-related (improve fitness was No. 1, lose weight was No. 3, and improve diet was No. 4), according to a Forbes survey.

While health is suggested as the primary focus, we can learn that our obsession with body image and our objectification of our bodies can have harmful effects. We can run the risk of body dissatisfaction, food obsession combined with bulimic tendencies, heightened body surveillance, and an increased drive for thinness, which could result in unhealthy ways to achieve it.

Moreover, we may bond with others about it and increase our fat talk and age talk, reinforcing an unrealistic cultural ideal that is only achievable through Photoshop, filters, and potentially unhealthy behaviors.

Instead, try to swear off fat talk and old talk as a resolution for the upcoming Lunar New Year (and for every day).

The next lunar year is February 10, 2024, the year of the Dragon.

Take a lesson from the dragon and its ability to breathe out fire. Then imagine yourself burning the fat talk and old talk habits. Burn the talk and burn the thoughts. Tell your family and friends and enlist their help. Maybe if enough of us try it, we can replace self-objectification with healthier compassion for ourselves and others.