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Forgiveness
Stepping Into a New You in the New Year
How to complete the past and create your future.
Posted December 28, 2022 Reviewed by Davia Sills
Key points
- Don't start a new year or chapter in your life with the heaviness of unfinished business.
- Declare who you want to be and how you want to feel a year from now; then keep your brain focused forward.
- Be clear on what you intend to create, planning the big picture. Your sense of purpose can stay steady even when goals and action plans change.
Now is a good time to share what you want the end of next year to look like, including who you are hanging out with as well as the types of work and play you will be doing.
Your brain doesn't discern between what you don't want and what you envision is possible. Don't dwell on what isn't working, keeping that reality intact. Create your vision and step into it.
What you need to do to complete the past year:
Start your year without the heaviness of unfinished business.
1. Throw away your to-do list. If you need to get something done, schedule time in your calendar now to finish it, or admit it is not a priority you want to focus on. If it is something you won’t remember to do unless you write it down, balance the value of completing the task with the value of your time.
2. Evaluate your current relationships. Which relationships support you and what you want to create with your life? Which relationships bring your energy down whenever you interact?
Write down the names of the people who inspire you. You will put them in your vision statement.
Think of the people in your life who bring you down or don’t encourage your growth. Can you spend less time with them? If not, list the things they say, ask, or do that drain your joy. Then tell yourself, “When they say this…, I will react in this way.” Include options such as saying “uh huh” and nothing else, thanking them for their perspective, or requesting to change the topic. Be prepared to end the conversation if they don’t stop.
It doesn’t matter if they get defensive. They may feel hurt no matter how gently but firmly you made your statement. You might be surprised by how they accommodate your desires anyway the next time you meet.
Finally, is there anyone you want to forgive or ask forgiveness from? Let go of the regrets and irritations by speaking the speeches you have rehearsed so many times in your head. It doesn’t matter how they respond. You will find peace after speaking your truth and asking for what you need.
3. Locate what triggers self-blame. Notice any other area in your life in which, when you think about it, you feel sad, frustrated, or angry with yourself. Think back to last year. Is there something you expected to happen but didn’t, leaving you feeling disappointed and unmotivated? Did you miss deadlines or do work that didn’t live up to the standards you wanted to hold for yourself? Did you allow someone to take up your time and regret being seduced by their neediness or charm?
List these memories as points of pain you want to release, so you feel free to start the year brand new.
Sometimes you can have a conversation with yourself, a friend you trust who stands for your highest self, or a coach to determine what you need to do to see old expectations and regrets as a part of your growth. This awareness will help you plan for the future.
Let yourself heal for a day or two. Move your body in ways that feel strong but flowing. Eat nourishing food. Watch feel-good shows. Connect with dear friends.
Completion takes telling yourself the truth and committing to moving on. Feel the liberation you deserve.
Declare what you want from the new year.
Now that you have released yourself from the past as much as you can, you have the space to look forward. Sit in a quiet, inspiring space with something to record your thoughts. Breathe peace into your body. Think about what you are grateful for to open your mind and heart. Feel your spine grow straight and relaxed. Be here fully, now.
Look at the list you made of people who inspire you and make you smile. If you feel stuck when visioning, bring their faces to mind to keep the lights on.
Consider what you want to feel at the end of next year. What could happen that would make this moment real? Don’t write goals. Don’t think about how you will do anything. Just consider what would make you feel proud, know you are here for a reason, and feed your sense of aliveness no matter what darkness tried to dim your light.
Feel what is emerging. Is there something calling you to do that feels more like a contribution than a burden? It could be the next step in the project or endeavor you are doing now. Or has something been stirring in you that you keep saying, “Someday I will…” End the sentence with writing the book, discovering the new location, or going somewhere beautiful to refresh yourself.
Notice everything that arises. Ask yourself if the ideas feel freeing or burdensome. Determine what you can do without being perfect. Then, ask yourself if you will wholeheartedly commit to moving in the direction that is calling you.
Let go of anything that is related to an old promise to yourself or others that doesn’t feel right for you anymore.
Be clear with what you want. Clarity will help you make wise choices.
Write your intentions.
Write what you intend to make happen. Don’t worry about the “hows” right now. Thinking about how you will make something happen can leave you feeling powerless or inadequate. You want to sit with your intentions for at least a few days before you pick out what is most important to act on first. Then you can consider how to bring your intentions alive with actions.
Remember, few things transpire as you had planned. We all want more certainty in this uncertain life. Keep focused on the big picture in spite of surprises.
Review your intentions regularly to know which way you want to go and who you want to be with so that next year, you won’t need to spend much time on completions.
