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Key points
- Negative emotions like anxiety, sadness, and anger can provide us with important information.
- These emotions can also motivate us to engage in problem-solving and take action in line with our values.
- Experiencing negative emotion is part of being human; however, sometimes it can lead to unhelpful behavior.
Do you ever wish you could snap your fingers and never have to feel anxiety, sadness, or anger ever again? Would you be surprised to know that these unpleasant emotions have a purpose—and are usually a completely normal part of the human experience? When we feel anxiety, sadness, or anger, our brains are typically responding to something in our environments, like uncertainty about an outcome, a loss of something important, or a violation of one of our core values. The emotions that result can give us information about what’s wrong and provide us with direction on how to proceed.
Anxiety can help us deal with change and uncertainty, and face challenges and difficulties. If you had a big exam coming up, you’d probably study harder if you felt worried about how you’d score. If you were anxious about starting a new job, you might prepare better, perhaps by creating a list of things to do or questions to ask on your first day. When used to our advantage, anxiety can provide us with motivation and energy to engage in problem-solving.
Of course, anxiety can become unhelpful if you find that you are mainly worrying about worrying or unable to concentrate because you are so focused on what may happen in the future. Unhelpful anxiety results when we overestimate risk and underestimate our resources to cope if a feared outcome happens. If you find this happening, you may want to evaluate the situation by asking yourself questions like:
- What makes me think that the outcome I’m fearing will happen? Is there any evidence that it won’t happen?
- What’s the best that could happen? What is most likely to happen?
- If the worst happens, what could I do?
- What should I do about this problem right now?
You may find it helpful to focus on what you can control, i.e., where you put your attention, the thoughts and meanings that you ascribe to your experiences, and the action (or lack of action) you decide to take. Problem-solving strategies can help you arrive at a course of action that may lead to a more positive outcome.
The purpose of sadness is to signify a loss, or something missing in our lives. Sadness is a completely normal reaction to a loss—of a loved one, an opportunity, a relationship, an experience, or a valued object. Sadness can motivate us to fill holes in our lives and can provide opportunities for social bonding and empathy. Sadness and depression are not the same thing. Individuals who are experiencing depression may hold certain beliefs about the loss, i.e., that it is personal, pervasive, and permanent. These beliefs may lead them to regard any attempts to fill the loss as futile.
Anger can help us recognize and cope with unmet expectations. Anger typically occurs when a “should” rule is broken. For example, you may believe that drivers should drive slowly and carefully in your residential neighborhood and become angry when someone speeds past you as you walk your dog. Or you may believe your children should follow directions and become angry when they don’t. Often our “should” rules are related to our deeply held values. In the first example, you may value safety. In the second example, you may value respect.
As with anxiety, you may find it most helpful to channel your anger by focusing on what you can control. You won’t be able to control how fast other people drive, and certainly, your children will not follow your directions 100 percent of the time. But you can control your reactions to other people’s behavior, and how you respond. An effective response to anger usually involves acting constructively in service of your values—and replacing aggressiveness with assertiveness. How can you make your neighborhood safer without resorting to yelling and cursing at drivers as they pass by? How can you model respectful behavior for your children, even when it seems like they aren’t listening?
One common myth about Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is that its purpose is to eliminate negative emotions. Instead, CBT emphasizes increasing positive emotions. CBT therapists do this by creating opportunities for their clients to participate in activities that provide meaning, pleasure, or feelings of accomplishment. They help clients identify their goals and aspirations and take steps toward achieving them. They encourage clients to connect with other people, strengthening existing relationships, and forming new ones. Throughout treatment, they teach clients skills that can help them overcome obstacles to participating in meaningful activities, pursuing their aspirations, and connecting with others. They help clients learn interpersonal skills, assertiveness skills, decision-making, problem-solving, relaxation, mindfulness, and many others. Most people find that as their positive emotions increase, their negative emotions naturally decrease.
CBT therapists do work directly on decreasing negative emotion if it is leading to unhelpful behavior or preventing their clients from acting in alignment with their values or pursuing their aspirations. They do this by helping clients identify thoughts that are leading to negative emotions, evaluate whether those thoughts are accurate, and develop a more accurate or helpful response. Usually, when people are able to think about the situations in their lives more holistically and realistically, they are better able to respond in a helpful way. As clients learn to evaluate their own thoughts outside of therapy, solve their own problems, and cope with negative emotions, they develop resilience and experience higher levels of well-being.
To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
