6 Ways to Change the Belief “I’m Not Good Enough”

I’m not good enough is one of the most harmful negative core beliefs that I’ve come across in my career as a psychotherapist. It’s a common belief that’s deeply ingrained and can become debilitating, but it can be changed.

What Are Negative Core Beliefs?

Negative core beliefs are beliefs that we have about ourselves or the world. They are binary beliefs that leave little room for flexibility or adaptation. Some common negative core beliefs are:

Pexels/Padrinan

• I’m worthless.
• I’m unlovable.
• I’m undeserving.
• I’m unimportant.
• I’m stupid.
• I’m a failure.
• I’m powerless/helpless.
• I cannot trust myself/others.
• I have to be perfect/please others.

Negative core beliefs thrive in your core, gut, and instincts. They do not originate nor exist in your logical, rational mind. This is why you cannot talk yourself out of believing them. For example, if you experience the negative core belief of “I’m not good enough,” you will believe this regardless of the evidence that proves you wrong. I’ve worked with clients with successful careers, thriving relationships, and daily evidence that they are good enough, yet they continue to believe the opposite. It’s not uncommon for you to logically know that your negative core beliefs are untrue, yet you still believe them in your core, gut, instincts, and body.

Past experiences often shape negative core beliefs. For example, if you were treated as if you weren’t good enough as a child, you may grow to believe, “I’m not good enough,” as an adult. This belief becomes so deeply ingrained that it’s easy to feel that it can never be changed. Yet, it can.

Try these steps to change the negative core belief of “I’m not good enough” (or any additional negative core beliefs that you may experience):

1. Identify Your Negative Core Belief and Its Impact

First, you must identify if you believe “I’m not good enough,” even if you know it’s logically untrue. Ask yourself, do I believe I’m not good enough in my gut, my core, or my body? If so, what are some ways in which this belief is negatively impacting my life? Does it prevent me from taking risks or trying new things? Does it hinder my ability to connect with others? Does it sabotage my actions? This insight will be the first step to changing this belief.

2. Identify an Accurate Replacement Belief

It’s helpful to identify a belief that can replace “I’m not good enough.” This new belief must be logically accurate. If it’s not, you won’t believe it. For example, “I’m perfect” might not be an accurate belief, nor would overly positive beliefs. Instead, consider a more accurate belief, such as “I’m good enough.” Then, create an accurate definition of this belief. I’m good enough is not defined as perfection. It’s not even close to perfection. Think of a school grading system of A, B, C, D, and F. A is perfection, B is above average, and C is average. I’m good enough is average; it’s a grade of a C, not a B or an A.

3. Consider, Don’t Force

You cannot force yourself to believe your replacement belief. If you could, you would have done it already. Instead, gently consider it. For example, instead of saying “I’m good enough” one thousand times or trying to will it into existence, consider that it might be true and notice how you feel. It’s common to feel uncomfortable when you consider a replacement belief. Try to sit with that uncomfortable feeling. Imagine that every time you consider “I’m good enough,” you are planting seeds in your core as opposed to trying to force them to grow.

4. Involve Your Body

Negative core beliefs live in your body. Therefore, your body must be a part of the process when changing them. When you consider “I’m good enough,” notice how your body responds. Approach these physical sensations with curiosity, not judgment. Your body is not used to this replacement belief and might respond with sensations of discomfort. Sit with these sensations and see what happens. Ask your body if it needs anything, such as a stretch, a change in posture or breathing, or perhaps some patience as it considers this new belief.

5. Identify Evidence That Supports Your Replacement Belief

Imagine you are a scientist looking for evidence supporting the theory that you are good enough. How much evidence can you identify? Identify ALL the evidence, not just the evidence you think is important or has more value. For example, paying your rent, showering, and showing up to work might not feel like a big deal, but this may prove that you are good enough. When looking for evidence, it’s important to remember your accurate definition of “I’m good enough,” which is average, not above average or perfection. Try creating a list of your evidence and review it when needed.

6. Express Behaviors That Support Your Replacement Belief

How would you behave if you believed “I’m good enough?” Act in those ways. For example, if you constantly push yourself to achieve perfection and believe you are good enough, you might take a break because you have already proven yourself. If you rarely express your needs in relationships, you might start doing so because you are just as good and worthy as those you love. Try acting in ways that reinforce the belief “I’m good enough.” If you do, you might start to believe it.

Self-Esteem Essential Reads

The 3 Keys to Cementing Personal Power

4 Ways Parents Can Hurt Kids' Self-Esteem

It's unlikely that these interventions will immediately change the belief “I’m not good enough” or any other negative core beliefs. It’s a process that will take time and consistency. Remember, negative core beliefs are not created overnight, so it will take effort, consistency, and patience to help them transform into more accurate beliefs and promote self-worth.