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Alexandra Katehakis and Center for Healthy Sex (CHS) have released their Annual Best/Worst Sex List for 2014.
Lack of sex education is "really a form of child abuse," according to Louisiana State Representative Patricia Smith in our favorite statement of the year. Sadly, even schools that do offer sex ed usually only focus on a hasty exploration of biological developments, ignoring the complexity of psychological and relational components.
So children -- and adults -- largely grow their sexual identities via the propagation of free, online, hardcore porn or the casual sexualization of ever-accessible media. This creates problems. Sex-negative themes emerge: sexual narcissism, misogyny, performance anxiety, that painful split between desire and reality that shows up as various forms of sexual dysfunction.
But among the sex experts -- those who actually make it their life work to study the fine points of sexuality -- there is little debate. A lack of robust and healthy sex education is a set-up for the worst sexual issues we can imagine in society, and not just for children; we encounter adults suffering from seriously flawed sexual knowledge all the time.
We need to celebrate that sex comes in every style, and experts agree that there's a wide range of sexual feelings and acts worthy of exploration, as long as they're consensual and don't harm anyone. Please read more about the healthy spectrum of sexuality in our just-published book "Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence."
With all this in mind, here, for the 2014 year, is our annual Best & Worst Sexed List compiled by me with help from my colleagues at Center for Healthy Sex.
THE BEST
BEST #1:
Newly-Appointed Presidential Task Force Addresses Campus Sexual Assault
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Why This Matters: Last year, it was revealed an unprecedented number of colleges were being investigated for mishandling reported rapes on campus (a fact that topped our 2013 worst sex list.) This still didn't stop numerous school officials and politicians from making idiotic public statements this year blaming the victim or minimizing the problem. The people who think rape culture isn't a real issue are part of the problem. Luckily this new task force provides real solutions.
BEST #2:
Sexual Harassment Hashtag #YesAllWomen Goes Viral
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Why This Matters: This viral mass response to sexual harassment in May was one of the first of many tipping points throughout 2014 where spontaneous groundswells of righteous anger swept the airwaves. A majority of women en masse decided enough was enough and voiced their truths of living with sexism. It may have been only armchair activism, but the collective passion was unprecedented.
BEST #3:
Senate Unanimously Backs Bipartisan Victims Protection Act of 2014
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Why This Matters: This legislation is a long time coming and, despite bipartisan unanimity, its ability to clear Congress is on hold. A similar but stronger measure was defeated in the Senate the previous week. Based on an anonymous survey, the Pentagon estimates over 26,000 military members may have been sexually assaulted in 2012. This matters.
BEST #4:
Apple CEO Tim Cook Comes Out to Become First Openly LGBT Fortune 500 CEO
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Why This Matters: 83% of gay, lesbian and bisexual people hide aspects of their sexual orientation at work, according to a Deloitte report. A May article on the subject in The New York Times noted: "The same insular culture that has made it hard for women and minorities to reach the executive ranks also keeps out gay people." We applaud Cook's courage in coming out at the highest level of business.
BEST #5:
Medicare Lifts Ban on Coverage for Transgender Recipient Gender Confirmation Surgeries
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Why This Matters: The recognition at the federal level that transgender issues require medical treatments is an important step in the evolution of transgender rights. Since private insurers and state-run programs often take their cues from the federal government on what is considered medically necessary, elective or experimental, this decision could eventually pave the way for sex-reassignment surgeries to be a routinely covered benefit.
BEST #6:
President Obama Issues Executive Order to Ban Federal Workplace LGBT Discrimination
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Why This Matters: It's still legal in 32 states to fire or harass someone at work for being LGBT. Congress has been slow to bring the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) to vote, which already passed the Senate last year, and it's doubtful that legislation will see the light of day anytime soon unfortunately. Until then, this executive action is the next best thing.
BEST #7:
California Passes 1st in Nation "Yes Means Yes" Bill
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Why This Matters: As with much California legislation, this bill is the first of its kind, referred to as the "Yes Means Yes" bill. It will be an interesting experiment, and the nation is watching. Critics have complained that the requirement to seek explicit consent will destroy the mood, thus destroying sex. But years of experience in sex therapy shows us definitively that such communication improves sexual relations, lessening sexual confusion.
BEST #8:
Congress Approves Funding Boost for Backlog of Unprocessed Rape Kits
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Why This Matters: According to Vice President Joe Biden, when testing 1,600 of the backlogged rape kits in Detroit, the evidence led to the identification of 87 suspected serial rapists and 14 convictions. Clearly this technology is much-needed if the powers that be seriously want to get serial rapists off the streets.
BEST #9:
Nail Polish Invention Detects Various Date Rape Drugs in Drinks
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Why This Matters: True, it's not exactly feasible for the majority of women to test every drink for date rape drugs and there are hundreds of benzodiazepines and sedatives that still wouldn't show up, but when students of diverse scholastic backgrounds focus on solving difficult issues in inventive ways it can only lead to a more inspired and informed social discourse on the dangers of date rape.
BEST #10:
Columbia Art Student Protests Unpunished Rapist by Carrying Mattress to Classes
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Why This Matters: It's a bold act to reveal rape to authorities. And when those authorities can't adequately handle such complaints due to politics and/or incompetence, it's an unbelievable act of bravery to go public in such a big way. And the public clearly has stood up for Emma Sulkowicz. She conceptualized this protest as part of her senior thesis -- an art project called "Mattress Performance: Carry That Weight" -- for which she has already received the National Organization for Women's Susan B. Anthony Award and the Ms. Wonder Award from the Feminist Majority Foundation.
THE WORST
WORST #1:
Bill Cosby Denies Multiple Alleged Drugging Rapes
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Why This Matters: We don't know all the details of what really happened but we do know that any predator's instinct to commit an act of sexual violence is always deeply psychological. Somnophilia is the term for an obsession for sex with unconscious or sleeping people. Such paraphilias are not negative in and of themselves, but when they involve illegal and especially non-consensual activity then it's a dangerous problem. Due to social stigma and lack of sex education, it can be very difficult for an individual to acknowledge and seek out treatment, often leading to lawsuits, imprisonment, or public disgrace.
WORST #2:
Elliot Rodger Goes on Shooting Rampage After Romantic Rejection
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Why This Matters: One of the more shocking aspects of this horrendous tragedy was all the unheeded warning signs. Rodger regularly posted sexist rants online and uploaded YouTube videos detailing how he would punish women for denying him sex. Are we so desensitized to sexual violence and misogyny that these red flags can increasingly go unnoticed? There are well-known resources for suicide prevention, but people need to be equally familiar with resources trained to prevent sexual violence in the early stages.
WORST #3:
Boko Haram Abducts 276 Nigerian Schoolgirls to Sell into Sex Slavery
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Why This Matters: Although kidnappings are routine in sub-Saraha Africa, this abduction of hundreds of schoolgirls captured the emotions of the world. First Lady Michelle Obama posed for a photo with the viral hashtag #BringBackOurGirls. According to experts, sexual trafficking would be as terrible a fate as returning home to communities quick to punish women who are raped, pregnant out of wedlock, or infected with HIV. These might seem like impossible issues, but the longer we politicize sex education and sexual health in America, the longer our foreign policies will fail to protect anyone.
WORST #4:
#Gamergate: Female Programmers Receive Death Threats After Speaking Out Against Sexism in the Gamer Industry
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Why This Matters: Sexism is clearly a problem in the video game industry. Female characters are underrepresented in games where negative stereotypes dominate. In a 2012 survey, 63% of women and 16% of men reported experiencing sexual harassment when playing video games. In response to Gamergate, Twitter announced a collaboration with the non-profit group Women, Action & the Media (WAM) in November to develop strategies for handling sexual harassment.
WORST #5:
Multiple Lawsuits Allege Teen Sex Abuse Ring Hosted by Film Industry Heavyweights Including Bryan Singer
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Why This Matters: There's a reason we have an age of consent -- it means that minors are children at heart, with underdeveloped brains, making it impossible for them to fully understand sexual consequences. It's no surprise that adults tasked with turning underage teens into sex symbols might take their work one step further and abuse them. Abuse is cyclical and it can be physical, emotional or intellectual. Only when personal sexuality is healed from any trauma will adults possess the instinct to protect the children in their care.
WORST #6:
NFL Player Ray Rice Physically Assaults his Wife on Camera
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Why This Matters: This incident forced the NFL to update its domestic violence policy, but the larger outcome was the intense discussion that provoked everyone from the football league to sports news to fans. Many people minimized domestic violence on the airwaves and then were held accountable for the blind sexism of their statements. Only time will tell whether this turning point will successfully combat the rampant misogyny of the sports world and many of its role models.
WORST #7:
Supreme Court Permits Religious Exception to Obamacare Contraception Coverage
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Why This Matters: It's been cleverly noted that if the burden of contraception care were on men, birth control would be available for free in gumball machines in flavors like "BBQ" and "cool ranch". It shouldn't have to be so difficult for American women to manage their health. This ruling has further stoked concerns it could be a precursor to allowing corporations to claim religious exemptions from federal laws that safeguard the rights of minorities.
WORST #8:
Governors in 7 States Refuse to Comply with Prison Rape Regulations
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Why This Matters: In a 2006 Justice Department report including information obtained from about 1.3 million prisoners cited 60,500 admitted cases of sexual violence ranging from unwanted touching to rape. But given the shame, stigma and coercion in prison, who knows the real number? Though prison rape still remains a joke for too many people, hopefully most ethical people would agree that sexual assault constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.
WORST #9:
Mom Sentenced to Prison for Giving Daughter Unprescribed Abortion Pills
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Why This Matters: This is what happens when states enact anti-abortion laws -- women are forced to go to desperate means to handle their health. No one should have to make tough choices for a procedure the Supreme Court has deemed unquestionably legal. We need to make comprehensive women's health care, including abortion, more accessible, and when a state's law clearly prevents this, it's up to the Federal government to intervene on behalf of women.
WORST #10:
First House Bill of 2014 Requires IRS to Audit Sexual Assault Survivors Seeking Abortions
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Why This Matters: With the major issues that all Americans care about such as jobs or the economy, it's almost unthinkable that the House chose this misogynistic bill as their inaugural legislation to start off 2014. Frankly, it's bizarre. Sexual assault is vastly underreported as it is, the last thing a rape survivor needs is an IRS audit. And IRS agents are hardly qualified to investigate rape claims for "legitimacy." The whole thing stinks to high heaven.
THE REST
THE REST #1:
Dylan Farrow's Open Letter to Woody Allen Provokes Heated Debate
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Why This Matters: Does the public ever have the right to question a victim's claim? Is it possible to consider someone's private and public life separately? These are important questions in any situation and there are no easy answers, although certainly many people vehemently believe the answers are obvious. When there's such an emotional charge to a conversation, it's important to locate where the intensity is coming from. How does this correlate to any experience in one's personal history? Often in sex therapy this type of consideration can reveal even more about a person's psychological state than true facts.
THE REST #2:
California's Child Abuse & Reporting Act Amendment Adds Child Porn Viewing to Mandated Reportable Acts
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Why This Matters: The problem is that a common side-effect of porn addiction is escalation, where addicts find themselves seeking out more illicit forms of porn. This stimulation-seeking is how non-pedophiles can find themselves looking at child porn. So the upside of this new law is there's a slim chance it will hopefully lead to arrests of sex traffickers. The downside is that people who would seek therapy to address such escalating porn-addiction issues in private no longer have that option.
THE REST #3:
Conscious Uncoupling: Gwyneth Paltrow's Break-Up Statement Leads to Viral Backlash
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Why This Matters: The viral backlash against so-called pretentious yet healthy love language was interesting. I wonder how many people had a problem with the messenger, and how many people unconsciously had a problem with her healthy message?
THE REST #4:
Lena Dunham Invites Controversy after Autobiography Confession
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Why This Matters: First of all, it's absurd for a conservative journalist to conflate childhood sexual exploration with incest abuse, then minimize campus rape in countless articles even calling for rape survivors to be publicly identifiable in any filed complaint. Secondly, experts agree that child sexual exploration is a perfectly normal aspect of sexual development. It may be considered inappropriate, but so are a lot of other things children do. With understanding and healthy boundaries articulated in a loving and attentive manner, such incidents become learning experiences for children.
THE REST #5:
Weed Lube: Marijuana Lubricant Gives 15-minute Orgasms
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Why This Matters: Note there haven't been any FDA studies on using a marijuana lubricant vaginally or anally and some people will have allergies. We're definitely not advocating the use of this product. But innovation certainly breeds new adventures. Here's to healthy sex in 2015!
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