“I Was Tired of Paying My Therapist to Learn About Cults”

One of the recurring complaints survivors of high-control groups have is that too many therapists just don't understand their needs or how to start addressing their unique set of problems. Not only do cult survivors often feel frustrated, unheard, and alone, they find themselves having to educate their therapist on how destructive cults work.

Some clinicians can even worsen a client's condition by insisting on following specific modalities of therapy. As someone who has worked specifically with former members of destructive cults for decades, I can offer the following insights on how to treat clients who are survivors of high-control, authoritarian groups.

Time of entry. Understanding whether the person was born or raised in a cult or was recruited later is important. When someone is raised in a destructive group, they were often raised in authoritarianism, which often includes corporal punishment but always emphasizes obedience and not play or curiosity.

Unique Family Dynamics in Cults. Understanding the distinct family dynamics for those born or raised in destructive groups is valuable, because the dynamics are intrinsically linked to the cult experience and should be addressed accordingly. Many cults excommunicate or shun former members and try to pressure them to “repent” and rejoin. When people first leave, they might continue listening to cult propaganda or engage in cult rituals that will prolong their exit to safety.

Loss and Mourning. Therapists need to recognize that cult survivors may be grieving the loss of their community and, in some cases, their family. Their deep sense of loss is a critical aspect of their healing journey.

Individualized Recovery. Each person has a unique path to recovery that needs addressing. Imposing a standardized treatment method is not helpful, and specific therapeutic tools might trigger trauma responses. For instance, DBT has a rule that can trigger former members because it mirrors the shunning done in cults.

Psychoeducation about Mind Control, Not Blaming the Victim. Helping people realize they were deceived and manipulated is a good therapeutic approach. Survivors didn’t know what they didn’t know about how destructive people and cults operate. Authoritarian-program members always blame themselves for all problems.

Beyond Childhood and Personal Deficiencies. A typical therapeutic error is to focus on family-of-origin issues instead of on the here-and-now to empower cult survivors. Are they safe? Sleeping well? Eating? Exercising? Do they have support? Survivors need to know that their involvement in a cult is not a reflection of unresolved childhood issues or personal deficiencies. Therapists should avoid over-focusing on family problems and instead address the trauma experienced within the cult.

Diverse Reasons for Cult Involvement. Acknowledging that there is no one type of person who joins a cult is helpful. Survivors come from various backgrounds and have different reasons for their involvement, which must be understood individually. Many intelligent, educated people from stable families get caught up in destructive relationships and groups.

Believe and Respect Their Stories. Listening without disbelief or judgment is crucial. The experiences shared may be shocking, but they were the person’s reality. Shaming them for their actions within the group is hurtful and wrong. Many survivors carry false beliefs and memories about their family, and immediately believing and validating stories about abuse can cause harm. Encouraging a survivor to disconnect from everyone in their past can be terrible advice. Of course, if their family is still in the group, such action is often necessary in the early stages of exiting and establishing one’s identity and personal boundaries.

Therapy Essential Reads

The Problem With Unconditional Positive Regard

When Your Therapist is Younger Than You Are

Addressing Abuse as a Norm. Many of those exiting cults may have experienced routine physical, sexual, and spiritual abuse in them. Recognizing such harm as a part of their past is vital in their healing process.

Facilitating an Internal Locus of Control. More important than exerting authority as an expert, therapists need to help survivors think for themselves—encouraging people to feel and express their feelings, helping them learn what is “normal” and “healthy.” It's never wise to impose beliefs on survivors, especially when it comes to religion—better to assist them in taking time to learn and explore.

Creating a Safe Space for Healing.Clients need to feel heard, understood, and safe. Best to help them recognize their uniqueness and interests, which establishes a foundation essential for effective therapy.

It’s crucial for clinicians to familiarize themselves with issues of undue influence and its impact on cult survivors. It's advisable to learn on your own time about the cult group a client has been in and not make the person pay to educate you. It may be wise to get supervision or make a referral. Making the effort to get proper training from experienced professionals will better equip therapists to address the unique needs of this population.