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Key points
- Emotional baggage can wreak havoc when trying to build a career.
- Dealing with old feelings of insecurity and jealousy in therapy can transform your work life.
- Identifying and treating depression, ADD, and anxiety can be key to job success.
The first thing Jennifer,* a project manager in her forties, told me when she first came to see me for psychotherapy, was, "I'm miserable at work." She explained that her supervisor was micro-managing her and giving preferential treatment to her colleagues. She shared that she'd had similar problems with her bosses and peers at previous jobs.
3 factors that influence job satisfaction and success
Like Jennifer, most people who have problems at work complain about their bosses, colleagues, workload, or other external obstacles. But what about the deep-seated feelings and mindset we each bring to work? How are our "emotional baggage" and mental health challenges affecting our feelings about work and our chances for success? To determine what is at the root of work challenges and how they can be overcome, as part of a good consultation we look at three overlapping but distinct areas:
1. Psychological issues. Patterns are often established in childhood and are carried over into adulthood, sometimes with very negative effects. For Jennifer, above, it became increasingly clear in therapy that she had a pattern of becoming engaged in power struggles at work. She consistently felt she was being treated unfairly and edged out by competitors. When recalling life as a child, Jennifer said she felt dominated and rejected by her parents and denigrated by siblings who competed with her for parental love and attention.
Addressing the burdensome "emotional baggage" that she'd been carrying around for. years helped Jennifer turn things around. She expressed anger in therapy that had been pent up for years. She recognized that she had been projecting old hurts on her present-day work relationships, and made a firm decision not to let pain from her past dictate the future. With her increased self-awareness, she now resisted feeling victimized, getting drawn into conflicts that hampered her productivity, and alienated her from colleagues.
2. Psycho-social problems. Work woes are often based on purely practical issues, for instance, a schedule that doesn't allow for work/life balance or a work load that is overwhelming and unrealistic. Such challenges require creative problem solving, a process that is sometimes hampered because of psychological or biological factors.
Take Tom,* a manager who came to see me because he was feeling burned out at work. Given that Tom had employees who report to him, it was clear that the practical solution would be delegating work to them. But Tom told me his employees were "idiots." In fact, he spoke poorly about everyone. Other managers were "incompetent." Even the CEO was inept, he said. Tom was certain that he could produce better work than anyone else.
After several sessions, Tom told me he felt neglected as a child. He felt he had to fend for himself. He couldn't depend on others. As he spoke, he began to put two and two together. He recognized that taking on all the responsibility at work was based on his need for control, a direct reaction to the sense of powerlessness he felt in his youth. As he gained insight, he began making a plan for how he could change things at work and take some of the responsibilities off his plate. He focused on what strengths his employees had and delegated to them, accordingly. He gave up old destructive behaviors in favor of new productive ones.
3. Biological conditions. Depression, anxiety, and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) are among the mental health conditions that can exacerbate problems at work. The negative thinking, irritability, and difficulty making decisions that are classic symptoms of depression can be off-putting to colleagues, magnify our perception of the difficulties we have, and impede productivity. Anxiety is another common deterrent to career success. Barbara,* who worked in publicity, constantly second-guessed herself, automatically assumed her work was not good, and refrained from speaking up in agency meetings—all of which limited her job output, ability to impress others, and chances for promotions. She also reported having difficulty sleeping and being fearful of driving or flying, signs that she was suffering from an anxiety disorder. By treating Barbra's anxiety with medication and addressing her insecurity in psychotherapy, we were able to turn things around. Today Barbara has a thriving career, one she finds rewarding, financially and personally.
One other condition that often prevents success at work is ADD, when left untreated. Attention Deficit Disorder is typically characterized by impulsive decision-making, poor organizational skills, lack of focus, and not paying attention to details. The need for stimulation can also make it difficult for employees with ADD to stay interested in their job for any length of time. For those with ADD, succeeding at work usually involves a combination of treating the disorder and finding work that is best suited to their strengths, interests, and energy. You might be surprised at how effective these approaches can be.
Thriving at work
For many people, it is only when they explore buried emotions from childhood, treat an underlying mental health challenge , like depression, or address a psycho-social situation, that they, for the first time, have a chance to thrive at work. This was the case for John*, a Yale graduate. John had the intellectual and academic prowess that should have made him confident he could succeed. Yet he always felt there was some invisible barrier holding him back from fulfilling his potential. As John talked with me, old memories surfaced of his father beating him at chess and showing off when they played basketball. John recognized that his fear of success stemmed from his fear of surpassing his father. But this was accentuated by depression which made everything seem even worse than it was. By acknowledging and talking about his fear and treating his low-grade depression, John was eventually able to overcome his fear. Today he has a successful career, one he worked hard for—at his job and in therapy.
Just as emotional pain from the past, depression, anxiety, ADD, and other mental health conditions can have a ripple effect on friends and family, so, too, can they hinder your work life and opportunity to build a successful and fulfilling career. If unhappiness at work has become a pattern in your life, don't hesitate to discuss it with your therapist or psychiatrist. Underlying issues may be contributing to the situation. Repetitive problems at varied jobs are a red flag that there are fundamental issues that need to be explored. When these issues are acknowledged and addressed, major roadblocks to your success can be removed and your chances of thriving at work and in life can almost always be greatly enhanced.
*Name has been changed.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
