6 Simple Strategies to Avoid a Holiday Disaster

Nutcracker

Source: RitaE/Pixabay

As a clinical psychologist, I get asked a lot of questions about the holidays, specifically how to cope with emotional challenges that inevitably arise. The holidays can be the most wonderful time of the year, to quote Andy Williams (or the Hallmark Channel).

Fonzie jokes aside, with proper preparation and the right frame of mind, this can actually be the case. In this post, I will explore some of the more common holiday difficulties and offer strategies to reduce their impact on you and your family. Since attending A Christmas Carol every year was a holiday tradition of mine while growing up, I have used some Charles Dickens’ quotes to help illustrate these points.

1. Overlook Political Differences and Emphasize Shared Joy

“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”

Presumably, if family is getting together, it is because they wish to see each other. That does not mean all family members will agree in their belief systems. In fact, Americans are growing more divided in our beliefs, according to Gallup polling this year, so in all likelihood, there may be divisions within your extended family.

• Identify some “safe” topics in advance, possibly the grandchildren or happy holiday memories from the past. Feel free to change the subject early and often when controversial topics come up.
• Do not believe, even for a minute, that you will change anyone’s views over a holiday dinner. This will almost certainly lead to disappointment and frustration.
• Be open and kind. After all, it is the holidays, and this is a good policy now and always.

2. Set Realistic Expectations

“Every traveler has a home of his own, and he learns to appreciate it the more from his wandering.”

Due to commercialism, the aforementioned Hallmark Channel, and every other message we have received in our lives, we are hardwired to expect the holidays to be a time of magical, familial bliss. This construct, of course, is a setup for disappointment. Or to quote Anne Lamont, American novelist, “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” Consider the following instead:

• Set clear, obtainable goals. It is perfectly fine to commit to one semi-successful family dinner. This is an opportunity to see loved ones as they really are, not who we wish they would be.
• Permit yourself to say “No.” If we recognize our free will in spending time with family, it is more difficult to paint them as the offending party. Thus, do not schedule a week with the in-laws if you can realistically handle three days. Pending your family culture and budget, consider staying in a nearby hotel. This will allow adequate “togetherness” with the peace of mind of separation.

3. Be Grateful

“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!”

There is a lot of buzz around gratitude these days, but it is empirically validated. Finding genuine reasons to be grateful is especially important during the holidays, as we are reflecting on the past year. Some easy ways to do this are:

• Keep a gratitude journal of three “good things” or aspects of the day you are grateful for. This also serves to keep an ongoing journal of positive events in a person’s life.
• Write thank you notes quickly and be sure to tell the important people how grateful you are to have them in your life.

4. Set a Budget and Stick to It

“Christmas is a poor excuse every 25th of December to pick a man's pockets.”

There are many aspects of the holidays that are beyond your control. This is not one of them. It will be important to be on the same page as your partner so as to avoid disagreements or differing expectations. If he is expecting a new Green Egg grill, and she gives him a pair of socks or she a tennis bracelet and receives the Jelly of the Month Club, this is a problem. To avoid your own Gift of the Magi situation, be sure to be deliberate about your spending and communicate openly about it with loved ones. It is also a good time to be generous. Consider donating (time or money) to a favorite charity to share the joy with others.

5. Take Time for Yourself

“His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him.”

For those of us with children, the holidays are likely all about the kids. This is fine, of course, but to a point. Try to build in some time for yourself be it reading a book by the fire or walking around your community looking at the beautiful lights of your neighbors. This will ensure you receive some peace of mind during the holidays in addition to providing joy to others.

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6. Keep Your Routine

“I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a schoolboy. I am as giddy as a drunken man. A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world! Hallo here! Whoop! Hallo!”

The holidays can be a wonderful time to sleep in a little, skip the gym or partake of a few holiday treats. Indeed, live it up. For many, however, a routine is very important. It may go without saying that anything that will lead to guilt or remorse should be kept to a minimum.

In the end, the holidays are a time for remembering what is important. The traditions and emphasis will vary from one family to the next. Be sure to continue or create traditions that are meaningful to you. Whatever the holidays mean to your family, I wish you and yours, much happiness. Oh, and, “God bless us, every one!”