Strategies to Reduce Political Heartache and Distress

In our present polarized climate, where political and religious beliefs can strain even the closest relationships, fostering open dialogue and mutual respect is essential. Disagreements need not escalate into divisiveness; instead, they can be opportunities for understanding and growth. We can disagree with a political perspective without threading divisiveness into the dialogue, nurturing an environment of understanding and growth.

Different Ideologies Cause Tensions

As Americans immerse themselves in the political season, some are expressing hatred toward those with different ideologies, causing tensions among family and friends. The perspective differences between beloved family and friends are simmering and, in some cases, boiling over. My mother admonished her children to never to talk about religion or politics. However, her admonishments were not followed within the family. Our family gatherings would invariably end in a political discussion between my grandfather, who expressed the merits of socialism, and my father in rabid disagreement. If alcohol were added to this dialogue, we kids would duck and cover to avoid hearing the escalation.

At the heart of the disagreements of today and yesteryear are stark differences in how to solve our country's problems. Although there may be similar core beliefs, the well-being of family and society and the divide between them can become so vast that it may seem impossible to create a bridge of understanding. These differences can lead to heated arguments, hurt feelings, and strained interactions. In some cases, happening with greater frequency, family members sever ties and no longer talk with one another.

A Media Moratorium May Increase Personal Equilibrium

Some individuals are also finding that the barrage of hateful rhetoric in the media is too much for too long. As much as information gathering about current affairs is essential for informed citizens, people are choosing to tune off or to have media moratoria to increase personal equilibrium. However, it's essential to reiterate that there is often a shared desire for a better future beneath the surface of political differences, albeit with different interpretations of how to achieve it. Also underlying the heartache are the individuals holding stark differences from our own, maybe people we love, have grown up with, or even gave birth to.

Creating Peaceful Dialogue

So, what can we do to turn down the heat, have meaningful, peaceful dialogue, and reduce the strain and the heartache?

1. Listen With Respect. Actively trying to understand does not mean that you agree with the differing perspective. You may say, "Thank you for sharing your perspective. I now know where you are coming from." This perspective does not presume agreement but understanding. We also need to let go of being right, changing our stance to be curious about their views, and not assuming we know all the answers. You do not have to reveal your belief at that moment and can say, "I am going to have to think about your perspective." This statement does not convey a judgment but a process of reflection.

2. Find Areas of Agreement. As you listen to the person's perspective, find areas you may agree upon. For example, you may have different opinions on what to do about taxes but you may both agree there should be a reduction in taxes even though there are different views about how to get to the same goal.

3. Withhold. Withholding does not mean not sharing the truth. Withholding implies that a particular perspective would not add to the peaceful discourse and would heat the conversation to a point where meaningful dialogue could not proceed. Discerning whether or not it is more important for you to win the argument or to preserve or grow the relationship is critical.

4. Postpone and Shift the Conversation. There may be times when the conversation is more heated, and if it continues, it will lead to more disruption in the relationship. You can pause the conversation and take a time out: "I want to continue this conversation, but I have to return to cooking dinner. Let's talk later." Another strategy is to shift the conversation naturally to something else: "Oh, I meant to ask you, did you listen to the new Taylor Swift songs?"

5. Take Care of Yourself. You may need a social media time-out. If you are getting more upset and distressed listening to the news, there are better times to talk to a friend or family member with different views. Seek out those with similar opinions so you can express your concerns safely and without feeling judged. Continue self-care activities like walking, listening to music, or a mindfulness exercise.

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6. What Else Is True? Family and friends with divergent views may have also loved and supported you at different times. Remember what else is true about times in your relationship that were nourishing. Bring to mind those memories of love and support that can help alleviate some of the heartache of the divides that may exist now. You can invite your family or friends to recall a loving and nourishing shared memory.

These suggestions may or may only be helpful in some situations. We must work together to think about how to create bridges to understanding and love, even when we might think differently about current affairs.