Princes Harry and William Can Reconcile, If They Want To

Quite a few fortnights Prince Harry is having: First, he was interviewed by Oprah and now his sibling relationship with Prince William is under intense scrutiny as they approach their grandfather Prince Philip’s funeral.

Let us assume, for the sake of discussion, that Harry and William are at odds and their relationship has grown frosty for a variety of reasons. Let us also assume that Harry and William have the opportunity for a rapprochement during the days surrounding the funeral.

Two significant family events are at play here as we consider what promises to be a most-watched occasion.

Challenges for Siblings Like Harry and William

First, a challenge for most young adults (it varies by culture) is to grow up, perhaps partner, and establish a new family while staying connected to their family of origin. When children choose a partner, or a way of life (like joining a commune), they may consciously or unconsciously go down a road that brings them closer to their parents and siblings or may lead them away. Sometimes, the result is different than was intended, as no one can predict 100% what their spouse might become or what exigencies might befall a family that require people to modify their behavior significantly (e.g., one parent dies at a young age and adult children modify their life course to take care of the remaining parent). Harry is on a course of establishing his own life while maintaining an ambivalent relationship with his royal family.

The second challenge is how family members cope with the death of an older family member. Funerals, like weddings, are an opportunity to honor or celebrate. Our sibling research, written up in Adult Sibling Relationships, revealed that the death of a parent (or grandparent) can alter sibling relationships significantly. The older generation may be the glue that holds the family together — everyone has Thanksgiving at Grandma’s house — and when she dies no one else organizes the get-togethers and the family drifts apart. Cousins do not see each other until the next funeral.

But another dynamic may also occur. A parent may have been the reason for family distancing. A parent’s destructive favoritism, substance use history, mental health struggles, or rejection of a child-in-law may have kept siblings apart. Looming estate disputes or unasked-for and unpleasant parental interference may have played a part. When that parent dies, siblings may make an effort at re-establishing their relationship with the third side of a triangle now gone. Of course, sometimes a death has no impact as siblings have already anticipated and adjusted to it, as with a very elderly person. The loss has been incorporated into their relationship.

Prince Philip is reported to have been a moderating and mediating force for the family in general, though it is unclear what, if any, role he has played between his grandsons. When families get together at a funeral, it is often a somber affair that calls for measured behavior. Philip’s death provides the ideal window for family members to put their differences behind them.

How Harry and William Can Reconcile

Four suggestions for Harry and William as they face these two challenges and if they want to get closer (these apply to we common folk too when a rift occurs):

1. Keep other people (Princes, Princesses, Duchesses, and a Queen) out of the discussion. The more third and fourth parties intervene, the more complicated relationships become;
2. Enter with a willingness to forgive;
3. Focus on what is positive about their relationship and whether those positives can be resurrected and can be the template for moving forward. If there have been past breaches that have been effectively repaired, consider how that occurred and take steps to replicate those steps; and
4. Consider the legacy about family relationships you want to leave your own family as well as the United Kingdom.