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Key points
- If you choose the right coach at the right time, it is an extremely empowering experience.
- Our individuality determines our ability to succeed in specific industries or careers.
- We all can become successful in whatever career we choose as long as we remain true to ourselves.
You probably have a friend who either signed up for coaching or perhaps decided to become a life coach. Coaching is not new, but it has become especially popular since COVID-19. This could be due to women needing to stay home to homeschool, because of job loss, or requiring extra income.
As someone who has practiced psychotherapy, who has been on the receiving end of therapy and coaching, and who has become a coach, I have a few things to share.
Which to choose, why, and when
Choose a coach when you feel energized and hopeful about the future—but you need some guidance, a guide on the side, someone who has bridged the path before you and can show you the way. Just think of the traditional coaches you have hired—the lean woman with the muscles, discipline, and resilience that make working out a cinch, the writing coach who has the map and expertise to get your book in a bookstore near you. You look for a coach when you see a person doing something that looks effortless, and you think, “I want that!"
Choose a therapist when you are not feeling energized and, in fact, you have no energy. When you spend more time in bed thinking than sleeping. When you think you are doing everything right—yet you are gaining weight, losing your hair, failing in the relationship category, and questioning why you exist. You are getting by, but joy is not a regular part of your life. You got this idea of “I will be happy when…” Do you realize this is not normal?
Unfortunately, just like stress, we don’t know what we don’t know, and we have normalized stress just like we have normalized malaise.
Women, as a gender, tend to be more emotionally sensitive and show more nurturing tendencies than men. We crave what we provide—meaning that we can become susceptible to others who provide us with that same emotional connection.
I say all of this because the coaching industry tends to be a very "rah-rah" cheerleader type of industry and is so by way of definition. Coaches proclaim, “If I can do it, so can you!”
As with choosing a therapist, you need to choose this coach with even more discretion, simply because of all the hype and promises of you becoming a star [blank] overnight. This is simply not going to happen.
The truth is, ‘If I can do it, so can you’ is also untrue. A coach doesn’t know you from a hole in the ground; how can they possibly know this is true? Mindset is everything. Unless they have studied you like a specimen under a microscope, how can they proclaim that?
Not everyone is made from the same cloth. Not everyone has the same skills, talents, tendencies, and desires that it takes to become a successful coach or for you to undergo some radical transformation. So if you can only see the shiny object (a thriving coaching business, bestseller, great body, etc.) but do not have the skills necessary to do these things, you will not have this transformation. Worse, you not only fail yourself but could potentially harm others if you think you can be a great coach but are not.
Speaking to vulnerable women is a dangerous industry in which to sell services because vulnerable women can be very trusting and desire deep healing done through therapy instead of true coaching (as I described above).
I have witnessed many sign up for coaching to heal a deeper inner wound rather than to be "shown the way," which does not end with great results. Women become bitter and resentful towards the coaching industry, which is unfortunate.
I came across an article in the iconic Canadian magazine for women, Chatelaine, published in September 2023, that explains it even further. This article breaks down many other reasons you must use a great deal of discretion if you choose coaching, including everything from breaking your bank account to the lack of regulation, which I will not include here. However, you are welcome to read more about it here.
The bottom line is that, just like everything in life, we need to be cautious and use proper discretion. If someone is promising you the world, chances are you should run in the other direction.
I hope this helps any of you who are debating whether or not to choose a therapist or a coach or are considering becoming a coach. Be cautious. It is easy to get hurt, especially when we don’t feel emotionally well.
