How to Manage a Dramatically Different Holiday Season

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As the holidays approach this year, they will likely be very different from last year’s holidays and the year before. For some families and individuals, the holidays will be more joyous this year because they are back to being in person; for others, having lost a loved one to COVID or other illness or accident, the holidays will be more somber.

For those with healthy, happy families, getting together in person might cause stress because of the search for the “perfect recipe," the “perfect gift,” or the “perfect outfit." When you see advertisements trying to entice you to purchase their wares, you might wonder how many "perfect" things could possibly be out there for you to indulge in.

For those who have lost someone, the upcoming holidays could be looked upon with dread. Perhaps the person who used to organize everything, or the life of the party, or the quiet yet dependable person in your family is the one missing. Perhaps it is a spouse, or parent, or sibling that will leave an empty seat at the table.

No matter whether the upcoming holidays are supposed to be happy or joyous, or something to get through this year, you can make the experience different for yourself by learning some of the lessons of COVID and applying them to your holiday experience. The track you take will be different, of course, depending on your situation but here are some options to consider for either making your holidays happier or getting through them with some level of peace.

1. Drop the idea of “perfect." There is no perfect holiday, no perfect family, no perfect meal, and definitely no perfect gift. No one’s life is going to change because of the pants you wore, the food you served, or the amazing gift you wrapped up so beautifully. Take the pressure off. Give up your image of an event unlike any other and put your focus on what matters—yourself and anyone around you that you care about.
2. Deliberately reduce. Make less food. Buy fewer gifts. Spend less time ruminating over what you need to do. Do less.
3. When you shop, buy differently. Instead of Amazon, buy local and handmade. Buy environmentally responsible gifts. Consult lists such as the one below to learn about the items you are purchasing; for example, you may not know that some of the most popular brands still use child labor. Make this holiday season one in which you become educated about what your purchases are supporting.
4. Find ways to give that don’t include buying lots of gifts that might be regifted or thrown away. Consider giving blankets to a homeless shelter, gift cards to families in need, food to the local food pantry, or donations to a local animal shelter. If you cannot afford to give something that costs, give your time—there is no end to the number of organizations looking for help. Contact your local churches, nursing homes, schools, or humane organizations to find ideas. Use websites such as volunteermatch or allforgood to get additional ideas in your local area.
5. Spend time with someone who is lonely. There are dozens of people sitting in nursing and rehabilitation homes alone, day after day. Organizations such as Big Brother/Big Sister are always looking for volunteers, and even in places where face-to-face is still uncomfortable, you could make a phone call or, if technology is available to you, go online.
6. Forgive someone this year. There is no greater gift you can give than that of forgiveness. It shouldn’t be gratuitous but rather gracious. Life really is short, as we’ve learned very well throughout COVID. Even if the person is no longer with us, if you can find it in your heart, offer up forgiveness and then let go. You needn’t dwell on what they did or think about it again. Let go and move on.

Find joy in the small things. A good cup of coffee, a walk outside, a smile from a stranger, a kind word, time to read a book or exercise, the touch of a loved pet, or a hug. When you focus on the holiday season as an all-consuming thing to either plan for perfection or dread with sadness, you can lose sight of all of the other gifts that life offers every day. Do your best to focus on these and turn your attention to simple joy as much as possible.