5 Tips to Support LGBTQ Loved Ones With Suicidal Thoughts

By Lalo Moreno, M.Ed., and Johanna Louie, LMSW, with Katherine Cullen MFA, LMSW.

Source: Photo courtesy of Gender Spectrum Collection

In the United States, suicide is a leading cause of death, and the LGBTQ community continues to be at disproportional risk regardless of age and ethnicity. While suicide rates have declined in recent years, the number of suicide deaths within the LGBTQ community remains largely unknown as there is no current public record system that collects information about sexual orientation and gender identity at the time of death. Some studies have also cautioned optimism as the prevalence of suicidal thinking appears to be trending upward among vulnerable populations such as LGBTQ youth.

Common risk factors for suicide such as social isolation and low self-esteem are often magnified for LGBTQ people as they are more likely to experience family rejection and systemic discrimination. Helping them access trusted support systems addresses these risk factors in a proactive manner. The objective is to shift from reactionary support to a standard of care that fosters equitable growth for LGBTQ people.

Prominent leaders in the field, such as the CDC and the U.S. Surgeon General, have highlighted the importance of community connectedness and social support in protecting against suicide. Support from loved ones fosters a sense of belonging and connectedness while decreasing feelings of social isolation. While family members, families of choice, and friends can play a huge part in supporting their LGBTQ loved ones, providing this type of care might come with its own unique set of challenges. Ensuring that you are taken care of as you support an LGBTQ loved one will help you provide the best kind of support.

Let’s take a look at five tips to help you play an active role in sustaining the support system of an LGBTQ loved one while also taking care of yourself.

1. Keep an Open Mind

To best support someone who identifies as LGBTQ and is struggling with suicidal thoughts or behaviors, you don’t have to change who you are and what you believe. The support you offer an LGBTQ person is more likely to be effective, however, if you demonstrate a willingness to consider perspectives other than your own—and to be mindful about expressing judgment about their lifestyles or attraction patterns. Our attitudes impact the way we show care. Creating a nonjudgmental space and showing you care reminds an LGBTQ loved one that you’re there to support them. By you remaining open to learning about what they’re going through and listening to their version of events, they’re far more likely to feel that you genuinely want to help—and to experience the benefits of your support.

2. Strengthen Connections to Life

When someone is thinking about suicide, planning ahead is an effective way to keep them safe. A safety plan is an outline of personal warning signs for suicide along with coping strategies and supports a person can reach out to when they are struggling. This can be developed with a mental health therapist or crisis line counselor using this template. As a caregiver, you can help your loved one stay safe by gaining familiarity with their plan and helping them carry out the strategies. As you help them connect with resources, assess whether these spaces are affirming and understanding of their unique experiences. Expanding their support network will help strengthen their connections to life.

3. Have Open Conversations

While you don’t need to be an expert in suicidology or LGBTQ identity to be a support, using language that corresponds to an LGBTQ person’s experience helps build trust. Many people feel ill-equipped to talk about suicide, sexuality, and gender. Take time to learn more about these topics. (The resources at the bottom of this article are a great place to start.)

Avoid making generalizations about your loved one’s experience by engaging in conversations with them about their own journey. Mirroring the language they use and asking questions can help them feel heard and validated, which can help reduce the sense of alienation that is a known suicide risk factor. Talking openly about their experience breaks down stigma and provides comfort. Engage in conversations about their identity, mental health, how to refer to them in social settings, what to say when others ask about them, and other relevant topics. Open communication allows you to be aligned as a unit.

4. Check in Regularly

Check in routinely with your loved one. You can ask about how they are doing, things that have been going well, and challenges they are experiencing, as well as point out any concerns you may have observed. Whether it’s every day, week, or month, staying in touch consistently shows you are available as a support. This will also reinforce to them that they can come to you when they need help.

5. Take Care of Yourself

While it may sound cliché, one of the most important things you can do for others is to take care of yourself. Most people who care for others underestimate their own needs. Self-care is not just a one-time activity. Just like how we planned for safety with our loved ones, plan ahead for your own wellness. Make a list of strategies you can turn to so you can recharge ahead of time. Make sure you have a support system to lean on when things get stressful. Get in the habit of monitoring your own wellness and recognizing when you may be running low. Allow yourself to engage in those activities that give you energy. Keeping up with your own needs allows you to provide continual and optimal care for others.