Sacked by the Silent Treatment: Are You Being Quietly Fired?

Source: Pexels/Anna Shvets

Not everyone is familiar with the concept of quiet firing. But you may know (personally or secondhand) the romantic equivalent: You are in a relationship with someone who is not putting in any effort. You always initiate plans, pick the restaurant, or organize vacations. They reply once for every three texts that you sent. You eventually broke off the relationship “technically,” but you felt they were just hoping and waiting for you to pull the plug.

Quiet firing is the professional version. Your boss doesn’t seem hostile or disappointed, just disinterested. They might not invite you to key meetings unless you make a point to ask, and high-profile projects always seem to go to someone else. You find it difficult to get one-on-one time with the boss to discuss professional goals or opportunities for promotion. You are not getting fired, but if you quit, they wouldn’t mind.

Quiet firing is more common. Is it happening to you?

Being in an unsatisfying professional relationship is just as devastating as an underwhelming romantic one. Most of us spend far more time focused on work than our personal relationships. And there is the practical reality that we depend on our professional success to fund our lives. When we feel uneasy about work, we worry about how we’ll take care of ourselves and others who depend on our income. Quiet firing often manifests in subtle ways that are hard to pinpoint as intentional. Were you left out of a meeting because you truly weren’t key to that agenda or because your boss is secretly sending a message? You can start to feel paranoid, reading into every action and inaction taken.

Sometimes the signs are quiet but clear. There are actions to watch for, ones that hinder a job well done or career advancement. For example, your manager keeps changing your schedule, constantly requiring you to adjust your personal life; you resort to using sick days or you show up late, this gives them more ammunition against you. Or they are creating a situation where you will stagnate: not putting you on high-profile projects shows you are not adding value. Some people who have experienced quiet firing report having their most important clients or accounts reassigned, which reduced the scope or value of their work. You are on the defensive, now that you are no longer a key player.

Why is your manager quietly firing you? Separating paranoia from proof is essential. One approach: Would your boss benefit if you just disappeared? Perhaps the boss cannot stand any sort of conflict, even in the context of a professional conversation that addresses poor performance. They may be reluctant to directly give critical feedback. The passive-aggressiveness inherent in quiet firing is likely more damaging and hurtful, but it might be preferable for the boss who avoids conflict. There are managers who dislike the management part of being a manager (yes, really) and they want to avoid the protocol and paperwork involved in giving an employee critical feedback. Or even worse, they could be (inappropriately) trying to save on the cost of termination. In the United Kingdom, where I have worked and lived for years, employees are usually legally owed compensation if they are let go. But if an employee quits, the company is unlikely to owe severance. In the United States, statutory requirements to compensate are rare, but if you know your company has a policy of a payout, then hoping you will quit is a way (albeit awful) to save money.

You may not be able to prevent being quietly fired, but you can try to recognize it

The best defense to being quietly fired is to know it when you see it. Don’t be so quick to dismiss your gut as overreacting. Take note if you find yourself chasing your boss down to get their attention or realize you aren’t feeling as valued. Test those concerns by calmly but clearly asking how you can contribute more. Not unlike the comparison to feeling ignored in a personal relationship, start monitoring how long it takes to get responses to emails or other communication. You can even ask peers about meetings or projects they are on and (privately) compare them with what you have been asked to do. Finally, there seems to be a rise in quiet firing and it may be linked to the increase in remote work. While there are numerous great reasons for employees to work from home, it is possible that those who already avoid engaging with their team members are finding it easier than ever with less in-person face time.

Consider a hybrid work instead of a fully remote arrangement. That may give you the opportunity to intentionally but casually run into your manager. We all misconstrue emails from time to time and you may get a better sense of your relationship simply by seeing how they respond to you in the flesh. Ask politely and directly for feedback on your performance and how you might do better. Ironically, the best way to combat quiet firing is to speak up.