8 Perceptions That Nurture Your Relationships

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In my last post about the perceptions that impact our relationships, I explored the “11 Perceptions That Sabotage Your Relationships.” In this article, I will consider the eight perceptions that you can embrace that will help you initiate and nurture healthy relationships.

Perception #1: I am worthy of love

This perception is the foundation of everything you do that will enable you to experience life-affirming relationships. Without this perception, you will either not attempt to initiate a relationship, begin an unhealthy relationship, or sabotage a relationship you are currently in.

Unfortunately, our toxic popular culture has conditioned you to believe that you are only worthy of love if you are physically attractive, wealthy, successful, famous, powerful, or popular, among other unhealthy limiters. In reality, you are deserving of love simply because of who you are, what you value, and how you treat others. You have a right to be respected, appreciated, valued, and, yes, loved for you just being you. When you welcome these perceptions into your psyche, you open up all that is possible in finding the loving relationship you seek.

Perception #2: Rejection is not a reflection of my value as a person

There’s no doubt that putting your heart into another’s hands is a risk that may not be rewarded. And there is also no doubt that rejection can be the most painful of life’s “failures.” Hurt, sadness, guilt, shame, embarrassment, frustration, and anger are among the emotions that can feel like a tsunami drowning you in the pain of rejection. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Yes, it’s natural to feel bad when you get rejected, but the intensity of those ill feelings will depend on how much you personalize the rejection. If you take the rejection as a personal failure that reflects your lack of value as a person, your emotions may be devastating, long lasting, and cause problems in future relationships because it reinforces unhealthy perceptions you already hold about yourself.

At the same time, if you see the rejection as a failure of the situation (e.g., “they just weren’t the right person for me” or “we just weren’t the right fit”), then your feelings about the rejection will still make you feel bad because it is still a rejection when you might have had hopes or expectations about the relationship. But the intensity of those emotions will be more manageable, won’t last long, or be damaging long-term because you don’t personalize it as a judgment on your value as a person or as a partner.

Perception #3: If I am rejected, I will be okay

This perception is also of vital importance to your ability to initiate and nurture healthy relationships. Once you accept that opening your heart to someone is risky and may result in rejection, that will cause you to experience some unpleasant emotions. The next step is to truly believe that, in time, you will be okay. You will still perceive yourself to be a person worthy of love. As a result, you understand, at a deep and visceral level, that you will survive the rejection and the accompanying painful emotions, those emotions will fade, and they won’t scar you for life. And, importantly, with this perception, the rejection won’t prevent you from pursuing healthy relationships in the future.

Perception #4: I must be emotionally vulnerable to connect with people

If you can embrace the first three perceptions, you will free yourself to take the risk of being emotionally vulnerable with someone else. You’re able to be emotionally open because you accept that you may get hurt and, as expressed in Perception #3, you will be okay. Thus, you will not feel compelled to protect yourself by avoiding a potentially meaningful relationship, entering into an unhealthy relationship, or sabotage one that you are currently in.

An essential part of this perception is the realization that being emotionally vulnerable is the only way that you will ever establish and be able to maintain a healthy relationship. Another key aspect of this perception is that most people are reluctant to open themselves up emotionally to others, so if you do, you invite those who are capable of being vulnerable to reciprocate.

Perception #5: It’s better to risk rejection and find love than to protect myself and never give myself the chance

In some ways, this perception involves a risk/reward calculus. As I’ve discussed, there is a significant risk to opening yourself up to another person. At the same time, the reward can be truly life changing. When you consider a relationship, do you focus on what might go wrong or what might go right? Can you accept the possibility of rejection, knowing you’ll be okay, thus freeing you to pursue a relationship that you feel good about?

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The challenge with this perception is that you aren’t likely going to have to risk rejection once. Rather, for most of us, it takes many times of risking rejection before we find our soulmate. To get through what could be multiple rejections and not take it personally, you must stay committed to Perception #1 and maintain a long-term perspective on finding the relationship that you want so deeply.

Perception #6: I actively nurture my relationships

By incorporating the above perceptions into your ways of thinking, feeling, and living, you give yourself the freedom to take control of the way you interact in a relationship and actively nurture it. Rather than being driven by fear, doubt, or worry, you can choose the best path in a relationship. And that choice involves looking for ways that you can cultivate the relationship, whether that has to do with the way you think about your involvement or what you do to encourage your partner to go “all in.”

A key part of taking control of your relationships is understanding what may take you down the “bad road” (think emotional baggage) versus the “good road,” and then making a deliberate choice to move toward your goal of being in a healthy, loving, and life-affirming relationship.

Perception #7: My open heart will attract the right person for me

This perception is about trust in yourself, knowing that you have much to offer another person in a committed relationship. When you open your heart, you send out energy to the world about who you are, what you want in a partner, what you can give to a partner, and what kind of relationship you are looking for.

You also have a fundamental faith that your efforts will be rewarded. This faith is so important because, as you well know, the risks that we take aren’t often immediately rewarded. This faith is also predicated on the belief that your soulmate is out there (and there may be more than one, thus increasing your chances) and that, because they are attuned to your energy, they will come into your life when you and they are ready.

Perception #8: I am committed to pursuing the deepest connections possible in my life

The previous seven perceptions culminate in a deep and lasting commitment to experience meaning, fulfillment, and love in your relationships and your life. This commitment means doing what is necessary to continue to explore the deepest regions of your psyche, challenge old and unhealthy ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, and expressing the best version of yourself for the world to see.

This perception is powerful in that it helps you resist forces that might pull you down the “bad” road propelled by old and unhealthy needs, drives, and compulsions. It is also resilient in that this perception helps you to stay on the “good” road in the face of rejections and poor choices as you search for your soulmate and the love that you both deserve and are capable of experiencing, sharing, and receiving.