Verified by 
Key points
- It's harder than ever to accept all aspect of our humanity.
- Our culture can make us feel shame for our failures and imperfections.
- When we reject our humanity, we deny all that makes being human inspiring, gratifying, and joyful.
- Ways to embrace your humanity include accepting your imperfections, opening yourself up, and feeling deeply.
These days, it sure is difficult being a human being. I’m talking about the deeper aspects of being human; the ways we think, experience emotions, behave, interact with others, and react to our ever-changing world. It can be so difficult that we reject our humanity in the name of just getting through the day.
Sadly, in rejecting our humanity, however unintended it might be, we are also denying all that makes being human so meaningful, inspiring, gratifying, and joyful. To help you connect with what it truly means to be human, here are seven ways to embrace your humanity.
Accept Your Imperfections
Our imperfections are not the problem, but rather our unwillingness to accept them for fear that we will be less lovable, respected, valued, and accepted. The hyper-vigilance required to keep our flaws in check, and the time and energy needed to defend against them, prevents us from fulfillment and happiness.
When you accept your humanity, you free yourself from having to live in a state of perpetual threat. In those moments when you experience the less-desirable aspects of your humanity, instead of beating yourself up about it, you can simply accept that side of yourself, learn from it so it’s less likely to happen again, and let it go.
Be Open
When we view the human aspects of ourselves as threats, we trigger our primal instinct because our primitive brain mistakenly perceives our present-day transgressions as dangers to our survival. With this reaction, we close ourselves off from, as Abraham Lincoln so beautifully stated, “the better angels of our nature.” When you embrace your humanity, you remove that threat, thus enabling yourself to express all that is good within you.
Let Your Values Guide Your Life
One way to help you to embrace your humanity is to know and be guided by your most deeply held values. Values are both our North Star and our road map to the kind of life we want to lead. A part of that acceptance is to thoughtfully identify and embrace the values you choose to live by. Once you have identified those values, you can then actively seek to create a life that aligns with them.
Feel Deeply
One of the most difficult parts of embracing your humanity is giving yourself permission to experience your emotions in the deepest way. There are several challenges to feeling deeply. First, our culture views emotional vulnerability and expressiveness as signs of weakness (particularly among males). Yet, to fully experience your emotions, you must see them as strengths because it takes courage to be emotional.
Second, you can’t just choose to feel the positive emotions. Rather, emotions are two sides of the same coin; if you want to feel the pleasant emotions, you must also be willing to experience the unpleasant emotions.
Third, what often prevents us from feeling our emotions deeply is that we think that when we feel badly, the emotions will be suffocating. An essential life lesson that will hopefully encourage you to feel deeply is that, though many emotions can be difficult, they often don’t last long, and you will survive them. The reward for accepting that side of the emotional coin is the opportunity to feel the life-enriching emotions such as love, compassion, joy, and gratitude.
Establish Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships have been found to be an essential contributor to happiness. At the heart of healthy relationships is the ability to be emotionally vulnerable and expressive. Yet, that’s not possible when we reject our humanity. When others feel our closedness, they close themselves too.
In embracing your humanity, you open yourself up to the world around you. Think of physically opening your arms when someone approaches you as a literal manifestation of being emotionally open. In turn, others sense this and are more willing to respond in kind.
Of course, when you express your feelings toward someone, you risk the other person not reciprocating or, even worse, attacking your vulnerabilities and rejecting you.
At the same time, if you are committed to pursuing truly deep and meaningful relationships, that is a risk you must take. You can incrementally build trust until you believe that you have found the right person who is equally accepting of their humanity (and yours) and willing to be emotionally vulnerable.
Own Your Mistakes
Another part of being human is making mistakes. We say something insensitive. We act selfishly. We lose our temper. We hurt someone’s feelings. Hopefully, we feel bad and want to make amends. Yet, it is threatening to our sense of self to admit that we acted badly (“Am I a bad person?”).
In these situations, your protective reaction is to make an excuse, blame the recipient, or someone else. This response may protect your self-esteem and make you feel better, but it damages the relationship, and you feel worse because not only did you act poorly, but you also know it was your fault.
Paradoxically, when you own your mistakes, you actually feel much better despite your bad behavior. You actually feel better by acknowledging that what you did was wrong and beginning the process of self-atonement and reparation with those you harmed.
There are two ways to own your mistakes. First, you must acknowledge your transgression and recognize that only you are responsible for your behavior. Second, you can apologize. Unfortunately, so often, we hear so-called apologies that aren’t really apologies. You can tell a false apology from a real apology by the punctuation at the end. A “faux” apology, usually followed by a comma typically involves saying “I’m sorry,” but then immediately blaming someone or something and is usually followed by a comma (“I’m sorry, but here’s the reason why it wasn’t my fault.”) A real apology has no excuse or blame of others and always ends with a definitive period (“I’m sorry, I was wrong.”).
Accept Life’s Ups and Downs
Another unavoidable aspect of the human condition is that we experience ups and downs in our lives. We will find success, love, personal growth, education, and professional advancement, and we will experience failure, setbacks, rejection, and loss.
When you accept your humanity, you see these highs and lows as a natural part of the rhythm and flow of life. You learn to celebrate and savor the highs, and grieve and let go of the lows. You also realize that, in most cases, those ebbs and flows of life will not last. Finally, embracing your humanity allows you to respond to them with the equanimity that Rudyard Kipling so beautifully describes in his classic poem If: “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same.”
