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QUESTION
Hi Irene,
I have a very “persuasive” friend who works on commission for a local gift boutique — and she constantly pressures me to come in and shop when she’s working — she sends me texts, group emails, private emails, etc. She’s on commission, and I understand her boss wants her to bring in business.
I want to support my friend, but I’ve already shopped there several times in the past few months, and don’t have the time or the need to come in and buy more. It’s getting to the point where I feel guilty for not coming to the store — and resentful at the same time.
I like this friend and I want to be gracious, but am running out of patience.
Signed, Amber
ANSWER
Hi Amber,
Your friend can only be as “persuasive” as you allow her to be. It’s very nice of you to support her sale efforts when they dovetail with your own needs, but it sounds like this friend may be overly aggressive and somewhat tone deaf.
If you acquiesce too often without any pushback, your friend may have the mistaken impression that you welcome her repeated overtures.
Before you do lose your patience or become too resentful, you need to say NO to her. Be upfront with your friend and tell her “you don’t have the time or need to buy more.”
In terms of being gracious, you can say that you want to support her and the shop, but you can’t place yourself in the awkward position of spending more than you can afford or buying more than you need at this point in your life. Ask her to please help you by limiting or stopping the sales texts and private emails. Tell her you would prefer to stop by the shop when you need something.
There is no reason you should feel guilty. Your friend is the one who should feel guilty about overstepping the boundaries of your friendship.
Hope this helps.
Best, Irene
