Ambivalent About Taking a Trip With Friends

QUESTION

Hi Irene,

Three of my friends and I were planning a camping/hiking trip during the summer as a kind of bonding adventure. Originally, it was going to be two nights. I have not done any real hiking and have never been camping. So two nights camping with friends seemed manageable and it required only one day off of work.

Then one of my friends said the trip was changed to three and instructed me to take a second day off from work. I explained to her that I did not feel comfortable asking for more time off and that three nights seemed overwhelming to me as a first-time camper. She completely disregarded my feelings and her only response was to ask for a decision about whether or not I wanted to come so that she could get a refund.

I tried to reach out and explain how hurt I felt by all this and received no response. I could drive up there on my own and only spend two nights so I don't miss out on all of the bonding with the other two girls, but I feel very hurt and unsupported and I just can't decide if it's worth it or not.

Signed, Chris

ANSWER

Hi Chris,

This sounds like a fun getaway you were looking forward to until this monkey wrench was thrown your way.

Although you initially had some ambivalence, you thought through the pros and cons pretty clearly:

• You weren’t sure about whether you would enjoy a camping/hiking adventure and felt that two nights was a good way to find out.

• You wanted to give it a try but were worried about taking too much time off from work.

When friends plan a trip together, there usually has to one person “in-charge,” to some degree, to make final decisions. But that person generally involves others in major decisions affecting the scheduling, length and cost of a trip.

It’s a bad sign that this “friend” not only decided to extend the length of the trip without input from you but also ignored your concerns when you voiced them. This, in essence, has created another major downside to consider.

Unless an opportunity arises for you to resolve this misunderstanding, I would personally hesitate to go on this trip. Your friend’s past behavior to you may be a forerunner of the way she would treat you while you were there. For example, if the amount of hiking per day seemed overwhelming to you as a first-timer, she might be reluctant to shorten it.

Your note didn’t mention how well you know these friends. Traveling with friends can be tricky unless everyone feels comfortable with each other. Do you feel close to this group of friends or only know them peripherally?

Camping with friends (or taking any other type of trip, for that matter) can be a wonderful bonding experience, for sure. But a getaway like this one also involves a fair investment of time, money and emotions. I would think this one through carefully before you make a final decision, given how the planning for the trip has evolved thus far.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene