The Equal Opportunity of Mental Disorders

Love is responsibility of an I for a You: in this consists what cannot consist in any feeling—the equality of all lovers... -Martin Buber

Those diagnosed with mental disorders are not the only ones who suffer from them. Human partnerships are built upon trust and commitment, and the misperceptions that mental health issues can generate often test the best of relationships. People from all backgrounds can find themselves grappling with disorders in ways that challenge their self-worth, compassion, and confidence—necessary ingredients for healthy relationships.

Although difficult to believe, you are not alone in coping with mental illness.

Priscilla DuPreez / Unsplash

Misunderstanding Mental Disorders

People with mental health conditions, including substance abuse disorders, often suffer pain at home and in the workplace. Misunderstanding the nature of such conditions can lead to discrimination and harassment, as well as reasonable accommodations for disabilities. Given that one in five Americans suffered from a mental health condition in 2020, it should not be surprising that the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (2023) has a webpage dedicated to employee/employer resources on mental health.

The I-Thou Point of View

Relationships involving mental health conditions can easily become skewed and lop-sided, resulting in one partner becoming an object without an equal say in decisions. Contrarily, healthy relationships are inclusive and involve both partners in an equilibrium attained through constructive dialogue, i.e., good communication. Martin Buber (1878-1965), the Austrian-Israeli philosopher, described such "I-Thou" relationships as those in which each actor is a subject interacting with unlimited dialogue, as opposed to unhealthy relationships in which one subject treats the other as an object without a voice (APA, 2023). Deep, spiritual connections are possible in "I-Thou" relationships.

Shared Responsibility

Loving connectedness occurs when partners share the responsibility for their relationships. Each trusts the other to be vulnerable, eschewing masks of power and over-confidence, to interact from a stance of inclusive love rather than an exclusive competition (Beverley, 2004/2008). In this context, a partner could reach out to their suffering partner during a conflict:

"I can’t pretend to understand your pain, and I haven’t understood the pain you’ve been experiencing up until now. It makes sense that you believe I am trying to create more pain and suffering for you—but that wasn’t my intention. I want to work this out with you because I love you and you are important to me. How can I ease your pain?" (Beverley, 2004/2008, edited excerpt, pp. 328-329)

Conclusion

We examined three factors influencing how we perceive mental disorders and how they support relationships: misunderstanding, "I-Thou" dialogue, and responsible attitudes. How are you sharing responsibility to improve your relationship through constructive dialogue?