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More of my clients are choosing to shrink their world. That’s always been common among older people, but current factors seem to be increasing that: Of course, there's fear of contracting COVID. But also, people having to be more isolated because of COVID may make them feel out of practice. And then there's the fear of saying the "wrong" thing about politics, race, or gender.
The following report from a client is illustrative. Irrelevant details have been changed to protect the client’s anonymity.
A case study
I never was that social but I’m choosing to be more alone than ever. It’s mainly not COVID. It’s this vague unease around people. Even as I walk down the street, I might have established a bit of eye contact with a passerby, maybe smiled, even made some small talk: “Nice day.” “Pretty dog." Now I avert people’s eyes, even cross to the other side of the street.
More important from a career counseling perspective, I switched jobs. I was a copy editor and often had to interact with book authors, but was finding myself getting gun-shy about making any but the most unarguable changes. I got my boss to allow me to switch to proofreading, you know, catching little errors such as using two hyphens instead of an em dash.
After work, I spend almost all my time alone: reading, watching movies, jogging, cooking, cleaning my apartment, and listening to podcasts.
In short, my world has shrunk. It feels okay but somehow, at age 30, it feels age-inappropriate. What do you think?
Questions to help you decide if a smaller world is okay
I asked the client these questions. Perhaps they’ll be of value to you.
You don’t sound unhappy with your increased solo-hood, only that it defies the conventional wisdom that humans are social animals. How are you really feeling about it?
Are you being overly cautious or fearful regarding COVID, that is, going well beyond CDC and local rules and guidelines?
In terms of your work strengths, are you actually better suited to be a proofreader or a copy editor? Usually, proofreading pays less and is less likely to lead to promotions. Is that okay with you? (Applying that question to you: Are you making decisions to spend less time at work with people, and if so, is that okay?)
Let's say you'd like to take a baby step back to a more social existence. Trying any of these following may help you:
- Take a class online, where, as you see fit, you can just sit or interact.
- Make non-threatening small talk with a coworker, neighbor, or family member.
- Get active on an online forum for proofreaders or copy editors.
- Text or get together with a friend or family member you feel comfortable with.
- Revert to your previous behavior with passersby. For example, make eye contact or even your old-standby comments about the weather, their dog, whatever.
The takeaway
Do the previous questions make you want to try to change your level of interaction? If so, do you want to try any of the suggestions?
I read this aloud on YouTube.
A previous post offered additional ideas for dealing with social anxiety.
