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Key points
- There's a wider range of work and social options for the "soloist" than is often realized.
- Careful wording of your request to be more solo can increase your chances of gaining assent.
- It may be worth accepting that it's okay to be less social than are many people.
Much self-help advice assumes that homo sapiens is a social animal. Under-considered are people who prefer to go largely solo. This post attempts a bit of remedy.
Work
Even if the current decline in COVID is causing your boss to ask employees to come back to the office, s/he may be more open than in the past to your working at home, at least part-time. Do provide any needed reassurance, for example,
Having worked at home during the pandemic, it’s become clear to me that I’m at least as productive as in the office in that I don’t have to waste energy getting dressed up and sitting in a long commute.
If your boss resists, Plan B might be to ask for a one-week trial.
Another approach for people I call soloists is to work with animals. A few examples: wildlife management, entomology, animal husbandry at zoos, aquariums, animal sanctuaries, and farms. I don’t include veterinary work because sensitive interaction with animal owners is often essential.
Or work with plants: There’s landscape design and architecture, irrigation, plant hybridizing, soil science, environmental science, farming, and forest or range management.
Some self-employment has limited people contact, for example, selling a product on eBay, Etsy, or Amazon. Because so many products are already available, you may want to pick an unusual microniche with a small but enthusiastic following. For example, Buddhist-Artwork.com has been selling Buddhist sculpture, amulets, and netsuke for 16 years. Cackle Hatchery has been selling peacock chicks since 1936.
Relationships
Few people want to be completely solo. The most common version is someone who only occasionally dates, sees friends, and family, and in short bursts, for example, an hour for coffee rather than a weekend reunion. The problem is that many soloists feel guilt or pressure from their romantic partner or family to be more social. Of course, in a relationship, some compromise is necessary, but sometimes, the right wording can avoid unnecessary capitulation, for example,
As you may know, I get drained at long social events and I often don't wear well: How do you feel about you and I going separately and I’ll arrive say 20 minutes late? Or even your giving me dispensation to not go this time?
Recreation
Solo recreations can go beyond painting, playing a musical instrument, and individual sports. For example, there’s collecting. There's the old standard: stamp collecting, perhaps specializing in a particular country or theme, for example, stamps on psychology. See the Dorothea Dix stamp, below.) You can acquire quite a collection inexpensively.
If you have more discretionary income, you could, for example, collect geodes, sports memorabilia, or plants, for example, orchids, miniature roses. or the little-known but beautiful gerbera. (See the flower below). Supermarkets sell fine varieties of all three and offer ever-changing varieties.
The takeaway
Options abound for the soloist. Taking them mainly requires self-acceptance, choosing a largely solo path that otherwise fits you, and explaining to others why you believe it’s wise to take that road less traveled.
I read this aloud on YouTube
