Do You Want to Be More Competitive or Less?

Source: Steven de Polo, Flickr, CC 2.0

Competition has long been extolled, but the times, as Bob Dylan said, they are a-changin'. The wisdom of being competitive is no longer as clear.

Here's the essence of what a client told me. I've changed irrelevant details to protect anonymity.

Competition has worked for me. In high school, I wanted to show my friends that I could get into a hard-to-get-into college, and I did. I played high school basketball, and although I wasn’t the biggest or fastest, I was the hardest working and what drove me was the desire to be a starter, and then to be the high scorer, and then to be named all-conference.

In college, I wanted to get a good GPA not because I cared that much about learning but because I wanted to get to work for a prestigious company.

I got a commission-based sales job. If I made my number, I could earn $125,000 my first year. I wanted to win and win big, so I ended up making $200,000.

Then they cut my commission schedule, so I quit. I knew that I’m a winner and I’d get another job. Fast forward ten years, and I now make $600,000 a year!

I have two kids now. One is competitive like me, but the other is lazy. The most important thing I can do as a dad is to put fire in his belly. He hates me now, but he’ll thank me later.

How competitive do you want to be?

I invited that client to consider these questions:

You’ve benefited from being competitive. Have there been liabilities? Here are some possibilities: Might you have been so focused on winning that you didn’t sufficiently evaluate the importance of what you were striving for? Yes, brand-name college, brand-name employer, and financial wealth are worthy goals for some people. But some people, especially on looking back, wonder if they mightn’t have been wise to focus on work that they cared more about, enjoyed more, or that made a bigger difference to society. How about you?

Has your competitiveness resulted in your being unethical, for example, engaging in deceptive sales practices or unfairly badmouthing a coworker or competitor?

Some competitive people work long hours to the exclusion of relationships, hobbies, etc. Only for some people is that a worthy tradeoff. As you sit here and reflect, how about for you?

In recreation, some competitive people literally or figuratively throw their golf club. How about you? Is that okay?

Has your competitiveness affected your health: Do you have stress? Do you sleep well? Do you have energy for exercise?

Some competitive people are short-tempered, whether talking with a salesperson, a customer service rep, whomever. How about you? Do you view that as an appropriate manifestation of your high standards, or does it feel unwise?

You said that one of your children is laid-back, not competitive. How clear are you that, in the long run, greater benefit would accrue from trying to get him to be more competitive? Or might that be fighting against his nature and make him feel unalterably inferior? You say that your child hates you now. How likely is it that continuing to push him will make him hate you more and increasingly keep his distance from you?

The takeaway

As you read about this client and consider the questions I asked, do you think it’s wise for you to become more competitive? Less? This could be in general or, for example, just in your approach to work.

If you want to change, is there a word or sentence that you want to keep in mind to remind you? For example, if you’d like to be more competitive, you might say, “Winning is worth it.” If you’d like to be less competitive, you might say, “Too big a price.” Or if you’re pleased with your level of competitiveness, you might just say, "Attaboy!" or "Attagirl!"

I read this aloud on YouTube.