Skip to main content

Verified by Psychology Today

Anger

Look in the Mirror: A Tool for Self-Discovery

Seeing your reflection can be a motivator for change.

Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels
Source: Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

We all look in the mirror: Good hair day? Another wrinkle? Need to give yourself a pep talk?

But there’s more to be seen in the mirror, and that can be enlightening and/or scary.

Do you dare to take a look, a good, long look?

Your eyes

It’s long been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but the area around the eyes may be a clearer window. When you look at that area, what does it say about you? After all, starting around age 30, your core personality becomes etched into your face. Do your eyes suggest you’ve basically been happy? Sad? Angry? Worried?

Does that make you want to accept your status quo? Or is it a reminder to work on something? Here are a few examples:

Want more fun in your life? How could you realistically do that? Think of what’s made you happy in the past. That often predicts what will give you pleasure in the future.

Want to replace that predisposition to anger with one of appreciation? You’re, of course, aware that anger rarely helps. It’s a myth even that it blows off steam—that usually lasts but briefly. Find a motivation to banish anger: Your reputation? Health? Career? Relationships? Kids?

Reduce your worry, your hypervigilance, with acceptance of our limited control over events. Try to replace musts and shoulds with preferences. For example, of course, you prefer to remain ever healthy, but hypervigilance may more likely send you and your doctor on wild goose chases and increase your risk of being a victim of medical errors. And if you have a significant illness, keep reminding yourself that worrying about it only adds to the suffering your illness is already causing you.

Your mouth

Now, look at your mouth in its default mode. Is it upturned, level, or downturned? That too could suggest whether you’ve been predominantly upbeat or downcast. Does that confirm or refute the inference you made about your core demeanor from looking at your eyes?

Your face overall

Imagine that someone is sizing you up and deciding whether to approach you. What does your face convey? Would you approach yourself?

Try on different default facial expressions: That doesn’t mean a preternatural smile—you don’t want to come off like the stereotypical salesperson. Which facial expression do you want to be the baseline you present to the world? Practice your favorite in front of a mirror until it becomes at least semi-automatic.

Your body

We see our body so often that we may not notice how it has changed. Or we somehow view it through rose-colored glasses. Look carefully. Is it time for body acceptance? Or is it time for a change? Perhaps your posture? Your diet? Your clothes?

Your totality

This may be the hardest part: Look at yourself in toto. Maybe even talk to yourself in the mirror. Are you proud of the person you are and happy to give yourself an attaboy/girl? Or should you tell yourself to change? If so, how? Something related to your work life? Your relationships? Your worldview?

The takeaway

Of course, neither your temperament nor your lifetime of experience are easy to erase from your face and body. But neither are you immune to growth. The simple although potentially painful act of spending a thoughtful minute in front of a mirror can provide vivid motivation to change. Do you see anything telling? Anything you want to try to improve?

I read this aloud on YouTube.

advertisement
More from Marty Nemko Ph.D.
More from Psychology Today