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Jennifer was standing with a few coworkers at a work social function when she began noticing that she was sweating and her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She began to blush and wondered if people could see how sweaty and uncomfortable she was. She imagined how she must look with her face beat red and sweat stains starting to darken her shirt under her armpits and quickly excused herself to hide in the bathroom. Once there she found that she couldn’t go back into the social function and she decided that she would leave early and tell her coworkers that she had gotten ill and had to go home.
Social anxiety is one of the most common anxiety disorders. About 15 million adults have social anxiety and it often begins during childhood or adolescence. When in social situations, socially anxious individuals often shift their attention inward to their physical symptoms of anxiety (their heart rate, breathing rate, sweating, butterflies in their stomach, etc). Then when they notice internal signs of anxiety, they assume that others can see these signs and know that they are anxious. Because socially anxious individuals fear embarrassment, the last thing that they want is for others to know that they are anxious.
Shy and socially anxious people then begin to see themselves as an outside observer would. These images of themselves often contain visible exaggerations (e.g., that their hands are shaking visibly or they are noticeably blushing) that are mistaken for what others actually see. This focus on internal anxiety cues, shift to the perspective of external observer and exaggeration of observable anxiety signs is called self-focused attention. Unfortunately, self-focused attention increases anxiety, reduces concentration and interferes in the ability to participate in a social situation.
So how do you reduce self-focused attention and enjoy the moment?
- Focus on the topic that you are talking about. If you focus on the task at hand, whether the topic of the conversation or the topic of a presentation that you are giving, you may lose yourself in the topic and your anxiety may go down. For example, when I lecture in my classes or give a talk in a crowded auditorium, I often get so excited about the topic that I am talking about that I forget to be nervous.
- Focus on the enjoyable aspects of the experience. For example, if you are at a party and are anxious about being at the party, try to find some good aspects of being at the party. For example, you can smell the food and it smells amazing or you are outside and it is a beautiful day. If you look for the positives in the moment, you take yourself out of your head and you focus on something other than yourself.
- Accept that you are anxious and that is okay. Many people are anxious in public speaking situations and other social situations. If you recognize that you are anxious and you judge that as a negative thing, you will become more anxious and you will focus on your anxiety cues. If you accept that you are anxious and view that as being a common experience, being anxious is far less aversive and has less power over you.
- Practice makes perfect. Deliberately go into social situations that make you anxious. Over time your anxiety will go down and each time that you go into the situation you will experience slightly less anxiety. For more information about facing fears: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-worry-mom/201405/facing-fears-without-pushing-your-child-over-the-edge
For more information about social anxiety:
Andrew Kukes Foundation for Social Anxiety
Anxiety and Depression Association of America
Check out these related posts:
12 Tips to Reduce your Child’s Stress and Anxiety
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