Change the Story!

I am a huge Seth Godin fan, and recently he penned a blog post titled, The facts. He wrote:

"The story wins the day every time… Your position on just about everything, including, yes, your salary, your stock options, your credit card debt and your mortgage are almost certainly based on the story you tell yourself, not some universal fact from the universal fact database. ---Not just you, everybody."

Godin is correct. All day we are in unceasing conversations with ourselves. We tell ourselves who we are, what we should do, how we should respond and what our mission is. This intrapersonal communication governs our lives to a huge extent and affects our overall well-being. When things are good and especially when they are great the internal dialogue is most likely positive and helps move us forward. But what about when things aren't going according to plan?

What happens when we look into the mirror that is our lives and we are wholly unsatisfied? It is in these times that we need to re-evaluate the internal conversations and monitor what we are saying.

In a recent article I discussed Role Theory, which is one of my favorite topics. Role Theory asserts that there are a multitude of 'characters' that exist in our world. Some of these roles we are born into (e.g., family relationships) and others we willingly accept (marriage, jobs, friendships). Others are foisted upon us, such as stereotypes, or we are pressured into, such as competing with neighbors (commonly referred to as "Keeping up with the Joneses/Kardashians"). Regardless of the type, social norms often dictate that we accept these roles and conform to certain standards of behavior that define them.

This is great when you're 'Winning!' However, what do you do when your thought process and roles are crushing your well being?

Change the Story!

Examine what you are telling yourself. What you have accepted, are accepting and will accept in the future is based on who you think you are. To change that you have to consciously alter the story of whom you think you are to fit the concept of who you want to be. Then act accordingly!

This is not always easy because, often, our lifestyles and situations not to our liking have crept upon us. We often miss the shifts as they occur. After high school or college we may stop playing sports or become less active and stop thinking of ourselves as athletes. When we get into a relationship many of us stop doing the things that we did to stay attractive in the eyes of potential mates when we were single. We no longer strive to be or consider it necessary to be sexy. Similarly, at a certain point in a career we may think, "This is the best I can do" or "It's too late to do something else." Slowly, we begin to think how we believe a person in our 'role' is supposed to think and we act accordingly.

Yet, once you start telling yourself a different story then those ideas begin to change. By adopting a new role or a different way of looking at a current one you can exact new standards that can improve your quality of life.

Besides, it is easier to alter our stories than it is to resort to exhausting tactics such as willpower for change. Willpower is fleeting, subject to mood and how much discipline you can exert. Your story and the role you assign yourself is something that will influence you as long as you maintain it.

If your current circumstances aren't to your liking, change your story and your circumstances will change too.

Bakari Akil is the author of Pop Psychology: The Psychology of Pop Culture and Everyday Life and Psychology from all Angles: Interesting, Entertaining and Weird Stories. You can also check out what he is up to on his Twitter page: Here