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This May marks five years since the birth of Mary Cheney’s son Samuel. Prior to the birth, the press frequently commented on the fact that Dick Cheney, a right-wing Republican, often distanced himself from his fellow Republicans where issues of marriage equality were concerned.
As Cheney himself acknowledged, he had a gay daughter–which made the issue of marriage equality inherently personal. At the same time, his position as vice president required that he at least outwardly align himself with President Bush’s stance on marriage–which was decidedly different (i.e., Bush was in favor of a constitutional amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman). When his daughter Mary had her son Samuel, Cheney’s politics seemed to be pushed a bit further to the left–at least where marriage equality was concerned. The birth of Samuel–and his departure from the White House–may have convened to prompt his coming out in the support of marriage equality.
Having a gay family member, such as a gay child, can create tension for individuals who possess religious or political beliefs that condemn homosexuality. How can they love their gay family member when their religion tells them that homosexuality is an illness or a sin? In my research on gay fathers, I found that this tension can become heightened when their gay family member (daughter or son) announces their intention to become a parent. As one man reflected, in regards to his own parents, “They think it’s great on a personal basis but they can’t quite fit it together with their [religious] beliefs and what they’re told and what they hear.”
It is interesting that when these gay men actually became parents, their family members often showed striking changes in support. That is, one-third of the 70 gay men whom I interviewed described their families as hostile or ambivalent about the men’s homosexuality pre-parenthood; yet once the men became fathers, their families “did a 180” and were described as “totally supportive and on board.” The men attributed this change in sentiment to the fact that “everybody loves babies.” This prompted their parents and other family members to overlook, minimize, or even reverse their previously negative views on homosexuality. Their desire for a relationship with the newest, adorable member of the family overshadowed their previous objections about homosexuality, and about gay parenthood.
Furthermore, like Cheney, some of these family members, such as parents, were actually described by the men as increasingly more “out” in their own lives. They were more willing to acknowledge that they had a gay son, to challenge homophobia in their inner circle, church, and community, and to declare themselves a supporter of marriage equality. Thus, they publicly legitimated the gay men’s family identities, and in doing so, risked possible rejection from families, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and community members. Becoming a grandparent, in particular, seemed to prompt them to engage in a more emotionally complex confrontation with the realities of heterosexism, and to acknowledge the existence of their gay son with greater confidence and even pride. This signals the possible reverberations of gay parenthood for one’s family and beyond. Indeed, Cheney is an unlikely supporter of marriage equality. But his personal experience -- loving his daughter, and now his grandchildren, born of his daughter -- have led him to where he is now: "I think freedom means freedom for everybody, and you ought to have the right to make whatever choice you want to make with respect to your own personal situation.”
