4 Ways to Help Someone Struggling With Anxiety

Chances are you or someone you know has experienced anxiety. After all, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, research shows that generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) "affects 6.8 million adults, or 3.1 percent of the U.S. population, yet only 43.2 percent are receiving treatment.”

For individuals with anxiety, it can be a very dark time. For others, understanding how anxiety feels for someone suffering from it and supporting them through the experience can be tricky; not knowing what to do or say can create stress for all involved.

The following tips could help.

1. Validate their experiences.

When someone shares what caused their anxiety (i.e., personal or professional conflict), how you respond to their story can shape their attitude. For example, if someone was demoted at work, saying, “I am so sorry that you experienced this unfairness and harsh treatment,” is different from saying, “I’m so sorry you feel this way.” The former is often necessary to underscore that what they truly experienced was a lack of fairness and respect. Sometimes, just being validated, even though the facts don’t change, can decrease the intensity of the anxiety and help the person feel seen and heard. Validating one’s experiences provides not only a feeling of respect and trust but can also increase a feeling of psychological safety.

2. Encourage them to focus on what they can control.

Anxiety is often related to loss. When someone experiences a loss, such as a job, opportunity, death, divorce, or relationship, it can increase a feeling of insecurity. As I wrote about in my book, I know firsthand. I second-guessed nearly everything I did after my husband died. Suddenly, one may think they can’t trust others or even themselves. Helping them focus on what they can control and providing them with concrete examples of those things can be beneficial. For example, being able to control their breath can be tied to how they experience panic. While this may seem small, often it is the small and simple things that are essential to helping one feel in control and empower them to change the things they can.

3. Help them feel valued and respected.

Understanding the root cause of the anxiety, such as a recent job loss or a long-term family stressor, can help your friend or family member. When you are able to identify the cause, you know that their anxiety may be in response to a long-standing barrier (for example, in their occupation), and this can help you see their perspective. Their response, while it may seem out of proportion to the current situation, could be due to a decades-old problem.

Anxiety related to a long-standing situation often draws upon multiple negative experiences; thus, the suffering isn't new. So, telling someone to “think positive" can be counter-productive. Instead, providing them with non-judgmental support and helping them feel valued in other ways can help them experience their stress in a different way.

4. Tell them that they’re not flawed.

The world may tell them they’re no good or won’t ever succeed, so viewing anxiety as a character defect can create even more anxiety. Connecting someone’s worth to their current emotional state is not only unfair but wrong because it emphasizes the idea that individuals with anxiety are inherently less than someone without anxiety. Clearly seeing and telling people who struggle with anxiety that they aren’t flawed can prevent additional emotional burnout. It is often what they long to hear because a part of them, whether they admit it or not, feels broken.

Anxiety cues suffering and acknowledging their pain helps them to feel less alone. While any efforts of support may not be appreciated immediately, know that they don’t go unnoticed. When pressure decreases, it is essential to realize your support is often what influenced this shift. Not everyone with anxiety is going to have a sunny outlook, but knowing you didn’t run from them means the world to them.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

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