Verified by 
Key points
- Women and men are equally capable of manipulative behavior.
- Men are terrified of false allegations of sexual misconduct or sexual harrassment.
- Men worried about workplace misconduct are less likely to spend time interacting with women at work.
The #MeToo movement has spotlighted hundreds of cases of sexual misconduct. It has been wonderful for victims who previously were scared of not being believed. But for all the positive outcomes, there are and will be negative ones as well. As a clinical psychologist who has worked with men facing false accusations and with women who have admitted to making false accusations, as well as with men and women who have dealt with legitimate situations of misconduct, I contend that the “believe all women” mentality is well-intentioned but ultimately misguided and harmful to both men and women. Here’s why:
Everyone lies, including women
I have worked with women who openly discussed thoughts of making false allegations as a strategy for revenge, advancement, or both. I’ve also worked with women who acknowledged having made false allegations in college or other situations earlier in life. Often, they admit retrospectively that they were actually avoiding taking accountability for having been unfaithful in a romantic relationship, or for other reasons that felt irresistible at the time. Women can feel extreme shame around this awareness, and they often point to a “machine” of college counselors, professors, lawyers, and others who mobilized around them instantly the moment they even hinted that sexual misconduct may have driven the regrettable sex. I’ve had women tell me that back in college they felt suddenly transformed from being in hot water from consensual-yet-regrettable sex to feeling almost intoxicated with wishes of support and attention, as they became a cause célèbre with counselors, friends, and others rallying around them. Being so young, they felt swept away as the allegations took on a momentum of their own. Even women post-college have discussed in my private chambers that they are 100 percent cognizant that they could easily push the buttons of power by claiming they felt sexually victimized, and some of them have openly contemplated doing so.
Men stop being allies for women
I have worked with men facing false accusations. Of course, I wasn’t actually following these men around 24/7 so I can’t say with certainty what they did or didn’t do, but I have had male clients who were seeing me for other reasons for significant periods of time, who suddenly expressed concern over a woman in the workplace who openly threatened them that if she didn’t get whatever particular promotion or professional goal she wanted, she would make an allegation of sexual harassment. Sadly, many of these stories have come from men who are actually champions of women in the workplace.
It is important to note that many of the men I’m describing here did not come to me because of this problem, rather they were seeing me for reasons such as work/life balance, stress management, or other issues for significant periods of time before the false accusations arose. As a psychologist, the fact that they came to my office before they were accused is important to me because the client is not coming to me to “certify” him as innocent. I’ve worked with men who have expressed quiet fears that a particular employee may be threatening him, and then eventually confided that his nightmare appears to be coming true. Situations like this cause men to limit their time alone with female direct reports, which ultimately hurts women in the workplace.
Lumping is cheapening
I have worked with women who have been victims of brutal sexual assault and with women where subtle yet powerful workplace dynamics placed them in heartbreakingly compromising positions. Such women have told me privately that the “believe all women” mentality torments them because they’re painfully aware that if society feels pressured to assume that all allegations are true without due process, then their own experience of forcible assault gets lumped together with women whose allegations are easily recognizable as manipulative, false, or mercenary.
The bottom line is that there is no chromosomal link between honesty and gender. Women and men are both capable of deceit. In fact, intelligent people of any sex are generally aware of ways they can manipulate nearly any situation to their advantage. Sexual misconduct is a terrible thing—and so is being accused of a terrible crime that you did not commit. An accusation should not be proof of guilt. Making a false accusation is a form of sexual misconduct, at least in my opinion as a woman, a mother, and a psychologist.
For more information and academic citations on false allegations, see this web resource page on the topic. If you are seeking support as a victim of sexual trauma, please see RAINN for excellent resources. Nobody should be sexually abused, and no one should suffer a false allegation of abuse either. Until we figure out how to have a society where that is our reality, we must work to help hold the guilty accountable and get the right resources to victims.
